This post probably won't interested a lot of you, but I did want to talk about our prestataires - I had a hard time finding recommendations from people, so I'm going to put mine down here in case they might be useful to someone else out there.

I got my hair done by a French woman who worked for a fancy French salon in NYC for ten years, and I'm really happy with how my hair turned out. She doesn't have a website (and she wasn't necessarily the most reliable person in the world), but if anyone is interested in her contact info, just let me know.

The hair piece I had in came from Etsy shop called PetalnPearlBoutique. They make all kinds of hair clips, head bands, combs, shoe accessories etc that can be customized to match either your dress or your bridesmaids' dresses. They were so much fun to work with and I'm really happy with how mine turned out. Plus their prices are super reasonable, even with shipping to France.

The make-up lady came recommended by Heather, and I loved that she was Finnish. She doesn't have a website either, but she was very professional and absolutely lovely and I would recommend her in a heartbeat.

My flowers came from Au Nom de la Rose - they were very willing to customize the bouquet to match my dress and I found their prices very reasonable for wedding items.

I had my dress alterations done by Grain de Coton, again for very reasonable prices, especially for Paris. As a side note, this store also rents wedding dresses and wedding accessories, so you can either rent a dress there or rent out your wedding dress if it's just sitting in your closet collecting dust. I believe she also offers to sell them for you as well.

The pictures were taken by two photographers - the ceremony and the dinner/party were taken by L's husband B. As you can see from the pictures, he did a really nice job, so if anyone is looking for an English-speaking photographer, give him a holler!

The pictures that were taken around Paris were done by Isabelle Nery - she also caters to Anglophones and she does a lot of family and engagement pictures for American tourists. She was nice, but I did sort of feel like she didn't really take the time to get to know us as a couple, so she was trying to force us do things that were really our style. But one of her pluses compared to other photographers we'd met with was that she had a driver/assistant who drove us from site to site so I didn't need to trek around Paris in my wedding dress. And we did get some really beautiful shots from her too, so I can't complain too much.

The cake came from Cat at SugarDaze. She mostly does cupcakes, but she also bakes and decorates American-style cakes for weddings, birthday parties, baptisms, etc. Our cake was delicious and I really loved how it turned out - I'd recommend checking our her flickr page for more examples because she is one creative lady and I guarantee you will leave hungry!

Lastly, we had the wedding dinner at 138 parnasse. We've been eating there for a few years now, so we know the owners, and they did a great job for our wedding dinner. Their son recently took over though and upped their prices by a ton, so I'm not sure if we'll continue eating there on a regular basis or not. But even with the higher prices, it remains one of those restaurants where you can go and be assured of getting a good French meal with great service to boot.

The outakes

I have no idea why the hair lady had to do this to my hair before combing it back, but it sure made for some funny photos:

My hair will likely never have this much volume again

Yo, listen to me, I am the Bride!

Karina also took a few pictures right before the ceremony starts that I found really funny - they make it look like I am really upset and yelling at C:

Hold up, what's going on here?Even Animesh is starting to look concerned...

Rawr!

What makes it even funnier is that I have no memory of what was going on in that moment that would make me look that way, and neither does C.

Thanks for citizenship Sarko! (No seriously, thanks - it made getting married a lot easier LOL)I call this my ANTM face - how that for some smize-ing Tyra??

I cannot tell you the number of people who were completely oblivious to us and who had no problem with being in the background of our pictures. It was hilarious - like here we are sharing a romantic kiss while the jogger behind us is complaining that the owner of this stand stepped out for a minute and how is she supposed to stay hydrated if she can't buy a bottle of water??Mutiply that by 20 other people walking on through in various get-ups, and it made for some pretty funny pictures!

We also had pictures taken at various sites around Paris. We started off in the Jardins de Luxembourg, as a sort of hommage to my shoebox & C's favorite park:

And then moved on down by the Seine:

After that, we took a few pics on the various bridges:And down by the peniches:

In front of the Institut de France:

Then it was on over to the Eiffel Tower:

And finally a few more bridge shots:Whew! That's enough smiling for one day.

Le Best Of

Heading into the Mairie - can you see the relief on my face that I wasn't too late??

Have children. Many children. And have them in the 15th. Salle de mariage ceiling

The ringsWe did it!'"Can you spare a dime lady?'' Do I look like I have a dime on me??The wedding car (ie. the reason I was almost late to my own wedding)
My favorite photoTrying to make C let me feed him some cake - can you see the hesitation in his face?Time to crash into bed, complete with the pillows my aunt sent us(after spending five minutes explaining the jeu-de-mot to C that is)

Since C & I won't be going on our real honeymoon until December, we decided to do a mini-honeymoon in a fancy hotel and at least spend one night away together. I really wanted to find a hotel with a view of Paris, and it was actually a lot harder than one would think. (Unless we wanted to spend 1000€ night - um, no thanks). We ended up booking a room at the Concorde Lafayette, and they very kindly upgraded us to one of their few rooms with a full-on view of the Eiffel Tower once they realized we'd just gotten married.It also had a lovely over the room tops of Paris:
And I liked the little extras, like a funny fruit bowl:and the flower petals in the bathroom:We had champagne while enjoying the view:
And then watched the sunset over the city:
By some miracle of God, I did not get any early morning phone calls for work and we were able to sleep in and recuperate from all of the wedding craziness. And then we went down to have what has to be THE best hotel breakfast I've ever had. It was delicious and amazing - they even had three different kinds of cheddar to choose from. Combine that with another nap and a late check-out and you've got one happy Ksam. So two thumbs up for the Concorde Lafeyette - and I'd definitely recommend checking out their newly redesigned top-floor bar once it reopens in a few months.

As a side note, does anyone know why the Eiffel Tower always shows up so small in pictures? It was as close as in the second picture up top, but it always ends up looking much farther away on the camera.

A hungry bride is a cranky bride

The day of the wedding, the hair & make-up "artists" arrived not long after I woke up, so I didn't really get a chance to eat. I also didn't realize that once my make-up was done, I wouldn't be allowed to eat or drink. It was early, and I'm telling you people, I needed caffeine. Note to future brides - either eat a lot beforehand or buy some straws!!

So to pick up from where we left off, after the wedding we headed over to the park to drink a glass of champagne and take some pictures. My dress had a long train and it kept getting stepped on, mainly by C, so I wanted to attach it up. I had a few friends attempt to do it, but it wasn't really working and since I couldn't see anything, I wasn't much help to them. I was starting to get a bit cranky on an empty stomach, so I just let it go and went to take pictures.

Once we got home though, I wanted that darn train pinned up. And we were still struggling to do so, and Bridezilla reared her ugly head again. I was about ready to take a pair of scissors and cut the damn thing off myself (especially since there were a few footprints on them & I didn't want them to show in the pictures). I may have said a swear word or two. But we finally got it figured out and I was able to sit down for a few minutes of peace and quiet (and grab a quick bite to eat) before we had to leave for our picture session.

We took pictures at three spots - Luxembourg gardens (in a hommage to my shoebox), down by the Seine (luckily you can't smell pee in pictures) and over by the Bir Hakeim bridge (note to tourists - if you see people taking wedding shots, get out of the background!).

We'll have to wait two-three weeks to get them back, but hopefully they turned out nice. L's husband also took pictures for us at the Mairie and in the park with his fancy new camera - the few he's sent so far have been beautiful, and I can't wait to see the rest. And Karina and MG posted a few to Facebook as well, which I know my family back home appreciated.

We went straight from the pictures to the dinner. It was a bit confusing since I'd forgotten the list containing everyone's dinner choices in the car, but everything worked itself out and hopefully everyone had a nice meal. A few of C's friends gave short speeches - including one about a husband went on a honeymoon without his wife because they didn't have enough money to pay for two tickets and another who said "Mariage ensoleillé, mariage éternité".

And then it was back home for cake and champagne. We had Cat over at Sugar Daze make the cake, and she did a lovely job. The bottom layer was chocolate and the top layer was red-velvet:
I also have to give a shout-out to Sophie for helping C's dad navigate Paris with the cake and for decorating while we were out taking pictures. Thank you that, and for pushing us to have a reception afterwards (even though organizing it was a pain in the ass lol).

Thank you as well to all the guests who came from both near and far to share our special day with us - we are so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful friends!

The one in which I almost miss my own wedding

Well here, I am, five days into married life. I haven't had much time to write since my family was here and they wanted to take advantage of their last few days in Paris.

But last weekend ended up being an absolutely lovely weekend and the weather - omg, the weather - who would've thunk it?! A rainy wedding wouldn't have stressed me out (after all, mariage pluvieux, mariage heureux right?), but I was hoping it would be nice for our picture session, so I jokingly told C I was going to do some positive visualization, ie that I was going to picture us walking out of the Mairie under a bright blue sky. It became kind of a joke between us - because really, what were the chances of it being uber nice on October 1st? But I still kept doing it - every day, for just a few seconds, I would imagine our wedding day being bright and sunny, with not a cloud in the sky. It's not that I really believe in that kind of stuff, but I always figure that throwing positives out to the universe can't hurt. And what do you know - we had a clear day with a high of almost 30°C!

Despite everything going on, I think I managed to stay relatively calm bride, minus two small Bridezilla incidents. The first being when we were on our way to the Mairie, but got held up because we couldn't get the gigantic mercedes out of the garage. I was sitting there, as we inched forward and reversed, inched forward and reversed, watching the clock tick by.

10:51am
10:53am
10:57am

Did I mention I was supposed to be getting married at 11am?

Um yeah.

We finally got the car out, and we raced over to the city hall. My mind was racing as well - like "How could I be late for my own wedding??". And then we get there, only to find the parking lot in front of the city hall was full! (As a side note, most Vinci parking lots will let you park for free on your wedding day and on your birthday). My poor brother - who has never been to Paris before, let alone driven in the city - was left to fend for himself and find a parking spot while I jumped out of the car and ran over. Luckily they were running behind and he found a spot easily enough, so I was able to breath for a few minutes and say hello to everyone before we were ushered inside.

The ceremony itself was short and sweet - though the Adjoint Maire did make a few too many references to having multiple children for my liking. Have children! Have many children! And have them in the 15th! It was one of the things he'd asked us last week, and now I'm curious to whether or not he would have married us had we said no. He also leaned in to give me a bisous afterward, and it lasted just a little bit too long....Those of you in the countryside will know what I'm talking about. Like when you show up at the village bar and you have to make the rounds to say hello to everyone, and all the greasy old men at the bar insist on leaning in for a kiss that is accidentally-on-purpose way too close to your mouth.

And then it was over and we had a piece of paper saying we were married. It's actually kind of funny when you think about it - that this tiny piece of paper can carry such weight and be a legally binding document. Like one second you're not married, and then *bam* you are.

How about that?



In the next episode: A hungry bride is a cranky bride....

Friday afternoon, C & I went to meet with the official who will be marrying us next weekend (Yes, next weekend!). I had been hoping the woman we had originally met with would do it since she just seemed so upbeat and positive, but alas, she was unavailable.

As a side note, bigger cities have several people who marry couples and while they all have assigned weekends, you can request whomever you would like. We heard one story of a couple who loved sailing and one of the adjoint maire's was a semi-famous sailor, so they asked if he would do it.

Anyways, so we started explaining what we had in mind - a few people reading texts, etc - so that it would seem more like an American wedding for my family since we weren't doing the church wedding.

He stopped us there and said "Why aren't you doing a church wedding?" C replied "Well, because we're not the same religion." The official replied "That doesn't matter, some priests will marry you anyways. Where do you live? We'll find out what diocese you are in and we can call them".

We sat there stunned for a second - like "Dude, we're getting married in a week, I think it's a little late for that." I was rather incredulous actually - here our mairie is all for people doing civil ceremonies-only and yet this guy is trying to push a church wedding on us. Me thinks someone did not read the memo!

In the end, we were able to brush him off by saying we were doing a small thing here and then something for the rest of my family in the US. But still, so much for separation of church and state, right?

People keep asking us how the wedding planning is going and it's always hard to give an answer. We did a big push back in May to get the majority of things set up so we could have a stress-free summer - and by golly, we were actually pretty successful so we haven't really had anything to do these past few months except enjoy what passes for summer in Paris.

But now that the big day is rapidly approaching, we're trying to do the same again - ie take care of the last-minute things before September so the month leading up to the wedding is also as calm as it can possibly be. Which means that these past few days, we have been running around like crazy doing wedding stuff. Things like confirming the cake, the flowers, the dinner, etc.

And speaking of the dinner...C called the restaurant on Sunday to confirm the date and the time. When they answered, they said "What? There's no way we can have a wedding dinner - we are closed, the restaurant almost burned down this summer!"

I was on the phone with someone else, and when I heard the tone of C's voice, I immediately cut the call short so I could listen in. Apparently there was a big fire that started in the kitchen and they have been closed since June for repairs and renovations. I listened as the owner's son also told C that once they reopen, prices were going up and they were going to completely change the menu and so our choices would no longer be valid.

Now as a side note, when we talked to them in May, they asked us to pick a few menu options and then have all of our guests choose what they wanted so the chef could order ahead. So that's what we did....we had all of our lovely guests choose what they wanted to eat, and now he was telling us those options were no longer valid!

I was starting to feeling slightly panicky - like "How on Earth are we going to find another restaurant a month before the wedding??", when C asked if we could come down and talk to them in person.

So that's what we did yesterday morning. It's true that the restaurant is still heavily under travaux, but you can tell they are nearing the end. And the owner, whom we know much better than the son, reassured us by saying that they have other events scheduled far before our wedding, so they would definitely be reopened by October 1. He also said they would honor our menu options (and budget) too - whew!

One crisis averted.

Then it was time to call the photographer. Who immediately said " What? I can't do any wedding photos! I'm on maternity leave!" I started feeling the panic rise again until C got a little bit stern with her - after all, we had a signed contract and everything so the least she could've done was to call us. And besides, we talked to her in May, so she should have already been several months pregnant by then. At which point we all realized that it was just a misunderstanding, and that she had thought that C was a new client calling to reserve a date.

Crisis two averted.

Whew!

Luckily everything else has gone a lot smoother than that, and I am already imagining these turning into funny wedding stories. I'm also grateful that C has been so willing to help out and take on his fair share of tasks. I tell ya, he's a good man.

Now all that's left is the dress fitting & the hair/make-up trials before wedding....hopefully there will be no snafus there - I am just imagining the dress lady accidentally mis-altering my dress or the hair lady cutting off a big chunk of my hair or something!

Thanks to everyone who left comments and/or emailed on the wedding dilemma post!

Annie was the first to comment and suggested 1001listes. I thought that sounded like a good idea, so I checked it out - they do work with quite a few more stores (including Darty) and the prices were much more reasonable. So I started to look around and add items to our "panier". When C got home, I showed it to him, and he was immediately suspicious (as he often is of French websites - and maybe rightly so?). He figured there must be a catch somewhere, and after what Emily said, I started hunting around on the internet for reviews of the site. Some were very positive, but others claimed it was very difficult to actually use the money they'd received, especially for some of the bigger stores like Darty or Decathlon.

For those places, you had to find what you wanted to buy (FYI: discounted and sale prices don't apply!!), call up 1001listes, ask for a gift certificate for the exact amount and then wait for them to process it and mail it to you by registered letter (on your dime to boot). Then you could take your certificate to the store and cross your fingers that the price hadn't changed between now and then or it was back to the drawing board. There were also pretty big fees for using the money at non-partner stores (15%+) or if you didn't use it all up within a year.

Overall, it is still a good option because the site has been fairly-well translated into English and it does let people from all over the world contribute to it, but it sounded like just too much hassle and paperwork to me. (Also, C looked up their finances online and they have lost money for the past few years, so he was also worried about them going bankrupt and us losing our moola- same for Zankyou too btw). But funnily enough, while doing my research, I also learned that the site had first been bought by TF1 and then more recently by Galleries Lafeyette.

I did really like the Amazon.com idea that several of you suggested though. I didn't realize beforehand that Amazon.com could ship outside of the US, or that you could set it up automatically so that people could send the presents straight to you (at their cost). I also like that they have a really great selection of products at good prices - no 500€ pillows there!

So after much thought, I think we are going to use Emily and Meredith's idea of a honeymoon website, where people can purchase various items for the honeymoon, and then also have a small Amazon.com registry for the Americans who don't feel comfortable giving towards a honeymoon.

Now we just need to figure out how to inform people - I guess we have plenty of time still since the American reception won't be for several months after the wedding. But from what I'm seeing online, it's sort of gauche to include anything about presents in the invitations? Instead, you are supposed to include the address for your wedding website, and then on there have links to your registries. Who knew this was all so complicated?? (But then again, I'm definitely not the queen of etiquette...)

I always swore I wouldn't do a wedding website, but looks like I may end up having to do one after all...so much for trying to keep things simple, right?

The countdown to the wedding has begun!

The original goal for C & I was to get most of the wedding planning done in May, so that we could "profite" of June and July before starting up again in August. Except the weather in June & July was crap so not much profite-ing was done, and of course now it's turned nice in August. Oh well.

One of the big things on our list was to sit down and figure out what to do for a wedding registry. This is complicated by the fact that we are having a small wedding in France, so most of the people who will want to send us gifts are in the US. But given the luggage weight limits, it would take us years to bring everything back. Not to mention that American appliances, etc wouldn't work in France.

So back to square one - what to do?

In France, it's quite common for people to give money, either towards a home purchase or the honeymoon. I started hunting around and found out there are some really nice sites out there that let you design a personalized wedding website so people can choose what the money goes towards - say "paint" for a house, or a "couples massage on the beach" for the honeymoon. So in an ideal world, that's what everyone would do - but from what I can glean from American etiquette sites, that's still sort of a faux-pas. I mean, it sounds like you can have one, but that you also need to have other options for people who are offended by just giving money.

Back to square-one again.

Then I came across the Printemps website. Printemps is one of the major department stores in Paris, and it turns out their wedding list can be in either French or English. The actual descriptions of the items themselves are in French, but the site is English and there are pictures there, so in theory, someone in the US could make a purchase and then we could go pick up the item at Printemps. We don't really need anything for our apartment, but at least it would give our guests another option. Sounds perfect right?

They had a selection of things you could add directly from their website, but it was very limited, so last Saturday, C & I headed down there to the actual store to take a look. I was really looking forward to getting one of those scanner guns and then going crazy, à la Bridezilla.

Except once we got there, we discovered they had no scanner guns. Instead, they give you a piece of paper and one of those tiny pencils, and then every time you find something you like, you have to go find a sales person and have them write the UPC plus some sort of secret code on the sheet. FOR EVERY SINGLE ITEM. Do y'all know how hard it is to find a sales person in France?

C was about ready to give up right then and there, but I persisted - we'd already come all the way down there, why not at least take a look? So we set off with our piece of paper and started walking around the store. We would both pick something up, look at the price tag, freak out, and then ever-so-gently set it back down. Like I saw a really nice wooden bowl - the kind that are as smooth as butter - but the price was almost 100€! I can't ask a guest to pay 100€ for a frickin' bowl! Same for the pots, pans, etc.

Okay, on to the linens section. Our table runner is getting stained due to C not being used to eating sauces, so why not add one of those? We found one we liked and walked over to a saleswoman to have her add it to our list. But she personally did not like that color (gray) -how about this lovely red? No thank you, I already have one like that and it's a little too Christmas-y for me. Well how about this pretty pattern? No thank you, we are really looking for something dark to hide stains.

And this is where the lady flipped out. Hide stains? What do you mean "hide the stains"? You do know you have to wash table runners every day right? Umm...sorry lady, but no. What do you mean no?? It is just what's done!

I looked to C for confirmation, but he looked just as confused as I did. We just sort backed away slowly while she gave us the evil eye and mumbled stuff about "kids these days" under her breath.

Alright, let's give bedding a try. We could use a new duvet cover and maybe a new pillow or two. We head over to the pillows and I pick up the softest pillow I have ever felt. I tell you, it was like laying on a cloud. There was no price on it (that should've been our clue right there), so after trying a few others, we flagged a saleswoman down and asked her. After giving us a ten minute spiel on the benefits of this pillow, I interrupted and asked "Excuse me, but what is the actual price of this lovely pillow?".

The damn thing cost 500€ people. 500 EUROS!!! For a pillow! My eyes just about bugged out of my head. I asked if she had an less expensive options and she brought us over to another stack. After going on for a while about the percentage of goose down vs duck down blah blah blah, she told us that this one only cost 350€. Sorry lady, still out of our price range. Okay, how about this one for 200€?

Upon seeing our faces, she finally brought us over to the discount pile, where there were two crappy little pillows for 90€ each. Now I'm telling you, these were the kinds of pillows you can buy in Carrefour for 5€. You know, all lumpy and uneven.

And that was C's breaking point. He very rarely rants, but this time it came out - Printemps was a huge rip-off, they jacked the prices up on everything, they made it extremely complicated to open a wedding list, etc. And I could only agree with him. After a few hours, we only had two things on the list - and one of them was an eye mask.

Printemps' selling point is that "It's your wedding! Go nuts!" but both of us are just too practical to do that. I cannot in good conscience ask my guests to pay out-the-nose for something they could buy in the US for a much more reasonable price. I just don't have it in me. Not to mention that the prices are in Euros, so there'd be an even bigger mark-up with the exchange rate.

So we're back to square one yet again.

Obviously I'm not the first or the last foreigner to get married in France, so I'm hoping someone out there in the blogosphere will have found THE perfect solution to this dilemma.... And if so, please leave me a comment here!

C was one of ten people chosen to welcome the foreign military delegations at this year's Salon de Bourget. It's a big honor, but also a big time commitment. Meaning he has to be at the Charles de Gaulle airport 24/7 for ten days straight. Unfortunately those ten days also fall between two of my work trips, so our plans to see each other and attend his brother's wedding reception in Normandy this weekend fell to the wayside.

This, however, did not sit well with his brother and his new bride. Which is how I found myself heading to the reception alone, via a complicated system of RERs and trains. It was being held in such a small town that the nearest train station was 30min away, and someone had to be sent to pick me up.

I have to admit, I was a little nervous. This would be the first time I would ever be alone with C's family, and as I am still a little bit more than traumatized by the family events and get-togethers in Bretagne, the butterflies were having a heyday in my stomach. Old habits die hard I guess. Luckily for me, time and time again C's family turns out to be way more open-minded than Fab's family & friends ever were, and I ended up having a lovely time. (Even though it made me realize that I am not a details-person and that we still have a lot of work left to do).

There were however a few funny moments. The bride is Chinese and her parents had made the trip over to France. They don't speak a word of French and not more than a few words of English, so communication was difficult. But I had to laugh when C's mom asked me how you said "copine" in English and I said "girlfriend". She said "No, no, that's not it. It's "love" something or other. Yes, there we go, "Love friend". And then she said in English "Zees ez zee love freend of C". Good thing they didn't speak English very well, or they'd probably end up thinking I was his mistress!!

Later on, after dinner was served, C's mom and other brother turned to me and started talking about the DSK affair. C absolutely hates when they talk politics at the dinner table, but since he wasn't there to stop them, off they went into an 30min interrogation about why the Americans are insisting he is guilty when everyone knows he is innocent. Some of their comments to me:

"It has to be a plot by the Americans. They are just jealous of DSK's popularity worldwide and didn't want him to become president of France." Um yeah...Except 99% of Americans didn't even know who he was before the whole affair.

"Why are the Americans all smack-talking him for being rich? You love rich people!" I watch a lot of American TV now that we have the slingbox and I've never once heard anyone criticize him for having money. French TV on the other hand is another matter -people have been all over him here for his wealth. So nice try.

"It has to be the cleaning lady just wanting to sue". I've thought a lot about this, and I think I disagree. Before getting nationality, I was always nervous about renewing my cds every year and I did everything I could to stay under the radar, as I think a lot of foreigners in unstable situations do. Here was this poor woman, just trying to make a life for herself in a new country. But what do you guys think?

After my foreigner-defense came the biggie. C's mom practically shouted at me "Okay Samantha, explain to me how you can force someone to give you a fellation". Time froze for a second as my brain caught up to the fact that my future MIL had just said the word "blowjob" to me. And then she said it again. And again. Louder and louder each time, until everyone around us was staring.

"And seriously. How could it start on the bed and then move to the bathroom? Why didn't she escape? How can you sequestrate someone in a hotel room? So Samantha, tell me how you can force someone to do it! She has teeth, non? Why wouldn't she just have bit him during the FELLATION??" (again with that word)

Nothing I was saying was good enough for her, so I finally just semi-shouted "How the heck would I know, I wasn't there!" And then luckily a few of my tablemates chipped in and agreed with me, and quickly changed the topic. C's mom is great, but man, sometimes she just has no filter....

CAP Mariage, part 3

Who knew this would turn into a three-part series?

The last part of the meeting talked about what we could actually do to personalize the civil ceremony and make it our own. According to one of animateurs, about half of French weddings take place only at the Mairie, ie they don't do a church wedding afterwards. And since the City Hall wedding is normally a wham, bam, thank you Mam kind of occasion, they encourage those who are only getting married at the Mairie to take the time to make it special.

So here is a list of things you can do to make the ceremony your own. I was actually pretty surprised about all the different options available - I never would have thought we'd have so much choice in the matter:

-You can have them play music when entering the salle des mariages
-You can ask the Mayor to say certain things during his welcome speech
-You can ask to decorate the room
-You can have the witness, a friend or a family member read a text (FYI: 140 = ~1 min)
-Both partners can say vows if they so choose
-You can have someone sing or play a song
-You can exchange rings (this is highly encouraged by CAP Mariage for its symbolism)
-You can have the witnesses, family members or friends make a speech
-You can have music played while you're exiting the salle des mariages

If you'd like to do any of these things, it is strongly advised to make an appointment with either the Mayor or whoever is going to be marrying you to talk about what time is available and how much your city hall lets couples personalize things.

And what's next for us? After the initial meeting, we can also do a follow-up meeting with one or more of the volunteer couples. I think we'll probably do it, especially since C couldn't make the first one. And as a side note, they are also available to help you decide which of the French marriage contracts you should choose (this is mandatory when filling out your wedding dossier). It is a fairly important choice because the type of marriage contract cannot be changed within the first two years of marriage, plus changing it is quite costly as it requires the help of a notaire.

CAP Mariage, part 2

So the first part of the meeting went over the actual legal articles that would be read during the ceremony. They have to be read by law, and I think the majority of people probably just listen to the Mayor drone on without ever really thinking about what they are actually committing themselves to do. For examples, Article 212 of the civil code:

Spouses owe to each other (by law): respect, fidelity, help and assistance.

As a group, we defined what each of those meant and then each couple had to put them in order of priority for themselves. And it's true, each of those words has several meanings. Respect can be respect for one another, respect for the couple (by making time for each other, not working too much, etc), respect for the common goals you have.

Interestingly enough, some of the ideas that came up for fidelity were not only sexual fidelity but also emotional fidelity. Not telling more to a co-worker than you tell to your spouse for example. And again, fidelity to the couple, meaning prioritizing the relationship by not working til 10pm every night, not going out with friends all the time, etc. And later on, fidelity to the family unit, meaning doing your best to provide for your family, being an active parent, spending time with your children, and so on.

Help and assistance both seemed very similar to me, but help was explained as aiding the person in times of need, for example during periods of unemployment or rough times at work. Whereas assistance was considered to be more of a moral support.

And then we did the same exercise for the rest of the articles of law that will be read during the ceremony. I actually think it was a good idea, because now those articles will actually have some sort of meaning for us.

After that, the two couples spoke about their own experiences and the struggles they've encountered during the almost 40 years of marriage they'd had. One of the women was particularly feisty and kept saying things like "les gosses peuvent foutre le bordel au mariage" (basically, kids can f*ck up a marriage) and that the four main topics that cause problems are "le fric, les mômes, la belle-famille et les vacances" (money, kids, in-laws and vacations). It was pretty funny to hear this little old bourgeois lady talking in slang - and I especially had to laugh at the last bit. Only in France would vacation be a source of disputes!

They also talked a lot about what happens when the honeymoon period is over and what comes after - which is apparently something called "la période de désenchantement" by French psychologists, and has you feeling depressed about the realization that you are now stuck with this imperfect person for the rest of your life. Not the way I would've put it, but it did lead to some interesting discussion about how you can't change your spouse, you can only change how you react to them.

Which is something I've been thinking a lot about lately, for example when it comes to C's driving. The man has so many other great qualities that outweigh this tiny negative one, and those are what I need to focus on when we're driving two miles an hour down the freeway. It's still a work in progress for me, but like they said, it's all part of accepting your partner for who he is, not who you want him to be. C doesn't get all annoyed with me when I have my cranky pants on (or at least he's really good at hiding it), and I would like to be able to do the same for him.

Whew, this is getting long....and is probably boring for a lot of you who don't give a damn about weddings, so I'll continue the rest in another post. Hopefully this information will be useful to someone out there though.

CAP Mariage, part 1

When we went in to the city hall to choose our wedding date, they gave us a folder full of useful wedding information, including a little postcard for an association called "Cap Mariage". The card said that once a month, the city hall and this association held a free information session to help newly-engaged couples understand the laws relating to marriage, to help them personalize their civil ceremony and to help them plan for their new life together. One of the sessions was last night, so I decided to go check it out.

Let me just say, it was NOT what I was expecting.

I was thinking it would be more-so like an informational fair, with booths set up in a big room. Instead, it ended up being like a small, intimate, pre-marital counseling session. My eyes just about bugged out when I entered the room - which was the room where we'll be married btw - and I saw all of the fancy armchairs had been arranged in small circle, and that there were four other couples sitting there, waiting for C & I to show up. Except C wasn't going to show up because he was working late and I hadn't realized it was a formal affair.

Everyone was looking at me, so I quick made up a little white lie about him getting held up at work and hopefully he would join the group later. (or not)

The group was being led by two older couples - one who had been married for 37 years and the other for 40 years. I was a bit worried at first that it was a religious thing, but then they explained a little bit more about the association, saying that it was a non-political secular association started in 1998 by a notaire in Bordeaux.

This notaire had been working on a lot of long, complicated divorces and was feeling rather depressed by the whole thing. She wondered by so many marriages were ending in divorce and what could be done about it? So she started the first CAP mariage, with the goal being to encourage couples to think what marriage really means to them, and to help them think about what kind of marriage they would like to have and how they are going to go about making it happen.

So it's kind of like a "light" version of the pre-marital counseling that is often required in the US for couples wanting a church wedding. And it's actually a very timely topic for us because it's been something we've been talking about doing. We are both 100% dedicated to making our marriage a long and fulfilling one, and have spent a lot of time talking about how we can make that happen.

Because of what happened with Fab, I've come to realize that a relationship takes work. You need to nurture it and make time for it, and not take your partner as a given. I'll go more tomorrow into what the actual meeting was like, but one of the main topics was the importance of having common goals as a couple. So it's almost funny when I look back and Fab & I and see that we wanted such very different things, in all aspects of life. We had different work goals (country vs. city), different home life goals (wife does the cooking/cleaning/child-rearing vs. shared responsibilities), different spare-time goals (drinking w/friends vs traveling). It was almost doomed from the beginning and meant one of us was bound to be unhappy (me) - but my romantic idea of love conquering all meant we avoided ever talking about these topics.

So the session brought up some interesting points, and tomorrow I'll share a few of them, as well as talk about the different ways the civil ceremony can be personalized to match your style.

Things are *finally* advancing with the wedding plans since miracle of all miracles, I am home for four whole days in a row (and C has the week off- no surprises there).

The biggest news is....drumroll please.....despite Fab doing his best to stop us, we finally have a date!Woohoo!!!

We have also booked the restaurant, the photographer, hair & make-up "artists" and the cake-maker. The invitations are done and ready to be ordered. And today I am off to meet with someone regarding dress alterations. So to my great relief, a lot of the big stuff has been checked off the list.

Leaving time for some of the more "fun" things - liking heading over to the family wine depot in the 16th to decide which wines we want to serve. We came home with quite the selection to try - so come on over! (PS. Teresa, if you read this, please send me an email, I am still extremely curious about your connection to them!!)Lastly, on our way back from the cake tasting, I looked down to see this between our feet:Now if that's not a sign, I don't know what is!

The one bad thing about C's proposal was the timing, ie. It took place the day we left before the US. I was all "Dude! Couldn't you have proposed a few days earlier?? Now we are going to lose a month of planning!"

And then we got back to France, and found out that both of us had to be there to turn in the marriage dossier....which is fine, except the only two work days I am home in April, C works from 9-6.

*BAM*

Another month lost.

Which means that everything is basically on hold until May because we can't plan anything until we know the official date. And for someone who is a major planner like me, it is pure torture. Every time I come home, that damn wedding to-do list is staring at me, taunting me. Like "Ha ha, look at all this stuff there is to do and you can't do any of it!"

I'm telling you guys, getting married on a desert island is starting to sound like a pretty good idea right about now...

These happy times have been twinged with bits of sadness. News of the passing of parents of fellow bloggers and co-workers alike. Miscarried babies. Children with incurable cancers. All of this has had my dad on my mind lately. He would've turned 60 a few weeks ago. Instead he is frozen in time at the age of 49.

I think he must have been on my brother's mind a lot lately too. My straight-laced brother just told me he was going to get a tattoo with the date of his passing. It surprised me, but somehow the idea of having a permanent trace of him just seems right. Maybe I will do it myself someday.

Sometimes I think of him not being at our wedding and my heart breaks all over again. I think it's part of the reason I've never seen myself having a traditional church wedding - I just can't imagine him not being there to walk me down the aisle.

While we were home, my mother pulled out their wedding rings. She said she'd meant to offer me hers, but it was too late since I had already purchased my own. But then there was my dad's ring, nestled in a little box. It'd been so long since I'd seen it that I'd almost forgotten what it looked like. I looked it at, and then I looked at C. Somehow we had the same idea at the same time, and I asked him "Elle te plaît ?". He said "Oui", and then tried it on.

I should mention that during the month we were there, we visited jewelry store after jewelry store, trying to find him a wedding band. Not only does he have a weird, in-between ring size, but he was being as picky about the ring as he is about most other things in life. We'd finally settled on one, and placed an order for it. Once it arrived, it, like all the other rings, was just a tad too big. We both liked it, but were disappointed it didn't fit right.

So you can imagine my surprise when he tried on my dad's ring and it fit him perfectly. It was like Goldilocks and the three bears - not too big, not too small, but just right. The only one out of all the rings we tried on. What are the odds?

He told me he loved it and that if it was okay with my mom and my brother, he'd like to wear it. Seeing it on his hand actually moved me to tears, and once again, I felt so incredibly grateful to be with a man who just plan understands me, and the importance my father held in my life. So now that ring is tucked away in a safe place with my wedding band, waiting for the big day.

But then there was the issue of what to do with the original band. I wanted to return it - but C wanted to keep it and start a new tradition. He likes the idea of the engagement ring showing just that - your engagement to someone. So he decided he was going to wear it until the wedding. I protested a bit at first, saying "ça se fait pas!!", but to be honest, he gets hit on so much at work that I don't mind all of those ladies thinking he's married. Which is how it ended up that both of us are now wearing rings.

Unconventional? Maybe. But it works for us.

Is she or isn't she?

First of all, I have to say that you guys cracked me up with your comments yesterday, and I definitely needed that after a long work week. Secondly, I have to say that I was almost thinking about not doing a April Fool's Day prank this year. After what I wrote two years ago and then last year, I wasn't quite sure what there was left to write about. Now on to the post...

For those of you who were asking for photographic evidence, I give you the temporary ring C proposed with. I "forgot" to post a photo of it on purpose, just to throw you guys off. Cuz I'm sneaky like that.And here's the ring I designed for myself and had made in the US. It has a fourth band of diamonds that will go across the top after the wedding:And here's the two of us at the engagement party my co-workers threw for us on St Patrick's day (hence the festive headband):
And here's the champagne the flight crew gave to us:And lastly, here is a poor C in CDG, completely exhausted after lugging my dress (People, I have a dress!!) and the accessories that go with it across the Atlantic. I'm telling you guys, it was a b*tch to get that thing back here. Never again!Is that enough proof for y'all??

So yes, I am happy to announce that we really are engaged and C really did propose during my surprise boat trip. But it was the night before we went to the US, and then we had to come home and pack for our flight, so I didn't really have time to announce it to many people. Plus I wanted to tell my family first. And then once we were over there, things were so darn hectic that I didn't have time to write a proper post about it. And then I realized April Fool's Day was quickly approaching and that this would make a good story to double-cross y'all.

So voila, you have the truth! Now hopefully we really do live happily ever after... :)