En garde !

C: OK, time to clean!
Me: Oh come on, it's 8:30 on a Saturday morning, I haven't even finished my tea...
C: Are you complaining because your husband wants to clean??
Me: Gotta give you that one. Touché!
C: Touché? What are you talking about, I haven't touched anything yet.

English weekend strikes again

Scene: Saturday night, as we are getting dressed before heading out to a birthday party.

C: I really like your hole.
Me: ?!?!?
C, pointing: Your HOLE.
Me, wheels turning:  Ohhhhh, you mean my owl (necklace).
C: Yeah, that's what I said.

Things my husband says

Me - Do you like my new nail polish?
C - Yes, it's a really pretty pink color.
Me - Pink?? It's green/turquoise dear.
C- Green?  In that case, I change my mind - I hate it. You should take it off.
Me - What do you care, it still looks pink to you!
C - Yeah, but now I know it's green...

The yoke's on me

The other day, C & I had just finished watching The Office, and he asked how many episodes were left.  I replied "Only one" and he said "Oh no! It's the last but one!  I'm going to be so sad when it's over."   I burst out laughing, and said "What did you say?" and he repeated "It's the last but one episode?"

Still laughing, I said "You can't say it like that - you say it's the second to last episode".  He thought about it for a minute and then insisted that it was an actual phrase, so we turned to our good friend Google.  And what do you know - it is indeed acceptable to say "last but one".  Looks like English Weekend backfired on me this time!

So that brings me to the question - does anyone out there actually use this? Maybe it's specific to British English?  It just sounds so awkward to me, like someone translated a foreign phrase word-for-word into English.

Just how excited are you?

C's English has been getting progressively better, so it's been a while since I've had a funny story to share from English Weekend.  And maybe it's the mood I was in, but I was busting a gut the other day after hearing him sigh and say from the other room "It really used to be a lot easier to get into my pants!"

Ha!

But that reminds me of something else - when I moved to France, I was told to avoid using the verb "exciter" because it had sexual connotations.  However ten years later, I'm hearing it used on a pretty regular basis in the American sense, ie as I am excited to do XX or to see YY.  I've heard it used this way on the radio, on TV and at work, which makes me wonder if its usage is changing. Has anyone else noticed this?  I know languages continually evolve, and maybe this is just one more example of that?

Bottoms up

It's been a while since we've had a good English weekend story, so here goes nothing.  C and I had just sat down to a Sunday evening apéritif when his phone rang.  It was a friend with some bad news, so he ended up spending quite a bit of time on the phone, during which I started preparing dinner. When he hung up, I came back and said "Oh, your drink is still full!".  C replied "No problem, I will just drink it butt dry."  Thinking I misheard him, I said "What?"  He repeated "Butt dry" and I sat there for a minute trying to figure out what on Earth he could mean.   And then it hit me and I started laughing so hard I just about fell off the couch. Cul sec.  Cul seccccc!!!

When things calmed down, he said "So what do you say in English?" and I said "Usually something like 'Chug it'". So C said "I'm drinking chug".

Sorry, that's not quite it honey.

C tried again - "I'm drinking chugly??"

At which point I left to go compose myself for a few minutes.

English Sunday - a never-ending source of amusement in our household.

What's in a name?

It's been a while since I've had a good chuckle over an English Weekend snafu, but today's had me rolling on the floor.  We had made plans to meet up with an old, old friend** (hi A!) and her new husband as they'd just moved to Paris, and C was asking me what their names were.  I replied "A and....shoot" and sat there for a minute trying to think of it.  I knew it was French and that it started with a C, but was having a temporary mind blank.  Meanwhile, my own C shouted from the other room: "Shoot?  That's a weird name. How do you spell that?" At which point I collapsed in laughter on the couch and he came out with a confused look on his face. Thank you dear husband - after a rough day at work yesterday, I needed a good belly laugh.

**We were able to reconnect thanks to my blog - that's the power of the Internets people!

C & I spent some time this weekend catching up on American TV (my contribution to English weekend LOL), which of course meant lots of Halloween-themed shows and ads. C finds the whole concept of Halloween funny, so when I got into bed last night, he jumped out from under the covers and said: "Treats and tricks!!"

Me: That's not what the kids say!!
C: Hmm.....Treats or tricks?
Me: Nope, try again.
C: Treat or trick?
Me: Nooo, it's trick or treat silly!
C: ?? But why would you start with the threat first??

Which is a good point - Why DO we start with the threat first?

Secondly, C also acts as an interpreter for other police stations on the side. Most of the time, it's a couple hours here, a couple hours there. But this past Saturday, he ended up getting called in during the middle of the night and then again from 10am to 10pm. Meaning the poor guy spent his entire day hanging around a police station for a couple hours of translation. He also unfortunately missed out on Karina's surprise birthday dinner.

When I came home that night, I asked him what ended up having for dinner since he's not really allowed to leave the station while he's there. He said that he'd eaten a few things from the vending machine and then once he got home, he made "some lenses and some corn and some peanuts". (My making C try new things now means he also eats some REALLY strange combinations of foods when left to his own devices).

Of course I knew what he meant, but I wanted to tease him a little bit, so I said "Lenses?" and he was like "Oh, is that not what you say?" While I was laughing, he thought for a bit and said "Hmm....maybe it's lee-tle beans? Which of course led to more laughter and saying "Noooo, it's lentils my dear."

There's never a dull day in this household, I tell ya.

Silly sausage

At the beginning of the summer, C, in a fit of excitement about using our balcony grill, bought what can only amount to a boatload of merguez sausages. But since summer never really made much of an appearance here in Paris, we haven't made much of a dent in it.

They are however predicting nice weather for tomorrow, so we decided to invite a few friends over for a BBQ. C was all excited and said "Yes! We can say it's a sausage party".

I'm telling you people, if you did not just bust out laughing, you must be dead.

I just about rolled on the floor, while C said "What? What is so fun-nee??"


This second one I already posted on Twitter, but it still cracks me up. C has a tendency to pronounce "focus" as "f*ck-us". Apparently this is a common problem for French language speakers, and it never fails me to crack me up every time, especially since he can't seem to remember the proper pronunciation now.

Foo-coos?
Foo-cus?
Fo-cous?
Fu-cos?

And they say French is hard.

A corn what??

The other night, C & I were laying in bed, reading. I was flipping through a chick magazine and stopped on an article on guilty pleasures. There were various celebrity quotes, and when C took a break from his (boring, IMO) army book, and this quote by Teri Hatcher caught his eye:He was like "What?? A CORN dog?? What on Earth is a corn dog?" I was confused for a second because I'm a bad almost-wife** and sometimes I forget what I did with whom (ie. that I had been to the MN State Fair many-a-time with Fab but that C has never been).

So I explained what it was and how one eats a corn dog. A hot dog, on a stick, dipped in cornmeal batter (btw, do you have any idea how hard it is to explain 'cornmeal batter' in French??) and then fried - I swear, it just about blew C's mind. Why would one ever think to do that?

And really, why would one ever think to do that?


**C's new nickname for me. It's cute, non?

C was one of ten people chosen to welcome the foreign military delegations at this year's Salon de Bourget. It's a big honor, but also a big time commitment. Meaning he has to be at the Charles de Gaulle airport 24/7 for ten days straight. Unfortunately those ten days also fall between two of my work trips, so our plans to see each other and attend his brother's wedding reception in Normandy this weekend fell to the wayside.

This, however, did not sit well with his brother and his new bride. Which is how I found myself heading to the reception alone, via a complicated system of RERs and trains. It was being held in such a small town that the nearest train station was 30min away, and someone had to be sent to pick me up.

I have to admit, I was a little nervous. This would be the first time I would ever be alone with C's family, and as I am still a little bit more than traumatized by the family events and get-togethers in Bretagne, the butterflies were having a heyday in my stomach. Old habits die hard I guess. Luckily for me, time and time again C's family turns out to be way more open-minded than Fab's family & friends ever were, and I ended up having a lovely time. (Even though it made me realize that I am not a details-person and that we still have a lot of work left to do).

There were however a few funny moments. The bride is Chinese and her parents had made the trip over to France. They don't speak a word of French and not more than a few words of English, so communication was difficult. But I had to laugh when C's mom asked me how you said "copine" in English and I said "girlfriend". She said "No, no, that's not it. It's "love" something or other. Yes, there we go, "Love friend". And then she said in English "Zees ez zee love freend of C". Good thing they didn't speak English very well, or they'd probably end up thinking I was his mistress!!

Later on, after dinner was served, C's mom and other brother turned to me and started talking about the DSK affair. C absolutely hates when they talk politics at the dinner table, but since he wasn't there to stop them, off they went into an 30min interrogation about why the Americans are insisting he is guilty when everyone knows he is innocent. Some of their comments to me:

"It has to be a plot by the Americans. They are just jealous of DSK's popularity worldwide and didn't want him to become president of France." Um yeah...Except 99% of Americans didn't even know who he was before the whole affair.

"Why are the Americans all smack-talking him for being rich? You love rich people!" I watch a lot of American TV now that we have the slingbox and I've never once heard anyone criticize him for having money. French TV on the other hand is another matter -people have been all over him here for his wealth. So nice try.

"It has to be the cleaning lady just wanting to sue". I've thought a lot about this, and I think I disagree. Before getting nationality, I was always nervous about renewing my cds every year and I did everything I could to stay under the radar, as I think a lot of foreigners in unstable situations do. Here was this poor woman, just trying to make a life for herself in a new country. But what do you guys think?

After my foreigner-defense came the biggie. C's mom practically shouted at me "Okay Samantha, explain to me how you can force someone to give you a fellation". Time froze for a second as my brain caught up to the fact that my future MIL had just said the word "blowjob" to me. And then she said it again. And again. Louder and louder each time, until everyone around us was staring.

"And seriously. How could it start on the bed and then move to the bathroom? Why didn't she escape? How can you sequestrate someone in a hotel room? So Samantha, tell me how you can force someone to do it! She has teeth, non? Why wouldn't she just have bit him during the FELLATION??" (again with that word)

Nothing I was saying was good enough for her, so I finally just semi-shouted "How the heck would I know, I wasn't there!" And then luckily a few of my tablemates chipped in and agreed with me, and quickly changed the topic. C's mom is great, but man, sometimes she just has no filter....

These happy times have been twinged with bits of sadness. News of the passing of parents of fellow bloggers and co-workers alike. Miscarried babies. Children with incurable cancers. All of this has had my dad on my mind lately. He would've turned 60 a few weeks ago. Instead he is frozen in time at the age of 49.

I think he must have been on my brother's mind a lot lately too. My straight-laced brother just told me he was going to get a tattoo with the date of his passing. It surprised me, but somehow the idea of having a permanent trace of him just seems right. Maybe I will do it myself someday.

Sometimes I think of him not being at our wedding and my heart breaks all over again. I think it's part of the reason I've never seen myself having a traditional church wedding - I just can't imagine him not being there to walk me down the aisle.

While we were home, my mother pulled out their wedding rings. She said she'd meant to offer me hers, but it was too late since I had already purchased my own. But then there was my dad's ring, nestled in a little box. It'd been so long since I'd seen it that I'd almost forgotten what it looked like. I looked it at, and then I looked at C. Somehow we had the same idea at the same time, and I asked him "Elle te plaît ?". He said "Oui", and then tried it on.

I should mention that during the month we were there, we visited jewelry store after jewelry store, trying to find him a wedding band. Not only does he have a weird, in-between ring size, but he was being as picky about the ring as he is about most other things in life. We'd finally settled on one, and placed an order for it. Once it arrived, it, like all the other rings, was just a tad too big. We both liked it, but were disappointed it didn't fit right.

So you can imagine my surprise when he tried on my dad's ring and it fit him perfectly. It was like Goldilocks and the three bears - not too big, not too small, but just right. The only one out of all the rings we tried on. What are the odds?

He told me he loved it and that if it was okay with my mom and my brother, he'd like to wear it. Seeing it on his hand actually moved me to tears, and once again, I felt so incredibly grateful to be with a man who just plan understands me, and the importance my father held in my life. So now that ring is tucked away in a safe place with my wedding band, waiting for the big day.

But then there was the issue of what to do with the original band. I wanted to return it - but C wanted to keep it and start a new tradition. He likes the idea of the engagement ring showing just that - your engagement to someone. So he decided he was going to wear it until the wedding. I protested a bit at first, saying "ça se fait pas!!", but to be honest, he gets hit on so much at work that I don't mind all of those ladies thinking he's married. Which is how it ended up that both of us are now wearing rings.

Unconventional? Maybe. But it works for us.

What's wrong with this picture?

I had to laugh tonight when C got his (oh-so-delicious, I might add) cheeseburger and immediately started eating it with a knife and a fork. Along with everything else on the plate, including the lettuce and tomato. (and of course sans sauce)

He also very gingerly held up the pickle and said "What's this??". I answered "It's a pickle. You eat it." To which he replied "Even the stick??". Lolllllll

I then told him he was in the US, so he should eat it with his hands. He tried, but after about two bites, it was deemed too messy and the knife and the fork came right back out.

Apparently you can take the Frenchman out of France....


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More C-isms

Sorry for the lack of posts - work was insane for the past few weeks, and now C and I have been in the US since last Friday. We have agreed to try to speak only in English while we are here, making it "English Sunday" every day. And hilarity ensues....

Me to C: Mmm, you smell nice.
C: Thank you, it's my natural flavor.

While watching HIYM the other night:
Robyn: Oh come on, you know "Baking cookies" is really a synonym for a booty call.
C: Attends....C'est quoi un "booby call??".

Upon coming home from work:
C: It was so hot today that I was bare-bellied.
Me: lollll
C: Naked bellied??
Me: Bare-chested!!!

While driving around town:
C: What are you eating?
Me: A tootsie roll.
C: You're eating candy??
Me: So what?
C: But candy is for kids!!
Me: Not here it isn't.
C: Do other adults eat candy?
Me: Of course.
C: Do your co-workers eat candy?
Me: I'm sure they do.
C: Does your mom eat candy?
Me: Um, probably.
C: That's so strange!!

And lastly, at the Green Mill for supper:
C: Why would they serve ice cream with the bread??

LOLLLLL

I just said "For Pete's Sake, (blah blah blah)"*, to which C replied "Wait, who's Pete?".


*English Sunday has become "English Weekend" in an attempt to prepare C for our trip to the US.

More English Sunday-isms

Me, picking up my purse and heading towards the door: Are you ready Freddy?
C: "Freddy? My name is not Freddy."
Me: *in tears on the floor*

Later on that day:
C: Are you ready Freda?
Me: ???
C: You know, you said to me "Are you ready Freddy?", so I thought the girl equivalent would be "Are you ready Freda?"
Me: LOLLLLLL. But the whole point is that it rhymes!
C: I still don't get it....

I swear, French people sometimes.

Later on, we invited a friend over for dinner and I made tomates farcies (stuffed tomatoes). There was one left and we were discussing who would get it.
C: I know, we can make like Jesus.
Me: ???
Friend: ???
C: You know, we can cut it in pieces and then it will multiply, like zee feeshes.
Me: LOLLLLL
Friend: LOLLLL

And lastly, I didn't even think this was possible, but I'm dating someone who just might possibly make even more lists than I do. The other night, I was saying "We should probably figure out some kind of cleaning schedule for the apartment". Cuz you know.....it takes a bit more work to clean 50m2 than it does a shoebox, where one quick sweep and I was finished. C said "Actually, I was meaning to bring that up. I've been working on an Excel spreadsheet with all of the different rooms and what needs to be cleaned in them, and I thought we could assign how long it was going to take, how often it should be done and who was going to do each one".

Cue my surprised silence. Here I was thinking we'd have a talk along the lines of "Oh yeah, we should probably vacuum the rugs at least once a week, maybe defrost the fridge twice a year, etc." But he has a SPREADSHEET people. He is a MAN who likes to CLEAN. This is all new territory for me. But trust me, I'm not complaining!

One of the newer things I've learned about C since moving in together is that he is a closet dumpster diver. I was actually quite surprised by it, because he's so neat and orderly (read: anal) about most things in his life that I have a really hard time imagining him being able to pick something up off the street. But yet practically every night during our travaux, he'd come home with something new.

August really is THE moving month in Paris, and our new neighborhood was no different. All month long we saw various moving trucks come and go, and without a doubt right after, there would be furniture, decorations, etc on the street. Some of the things he's picked up have been great - like an old bookshelf he was able to turn into a custom-made shoe rack for our bedroom. Or the multitude of moving boxes he found, saving us a small fortune by not having to by any. Other things though have gotten a big fat No Thanks from me, and have ended up right back where he found them.

But then there's today, where I come home to this:
Any guesses as to what my manly man is planning on doing with a mini hot pink guitar?? Cuz I sure have no clue...

Giverny

I've always wanted to visit Giverny, and given that it's only an hour away from Paris, we decided to hop in the car this past weekend and go. (Though it did take us more than hour to get there....and not due to traffic lol).

Even though it wasn't the sunniest day of the summer, the gardens were still beautiful and I thought both the entrance price and the gift shop were really reasonable for once.The next day was spent exploring the nearby town of Vernon. We had sort of a funny experience at the tourist office (on the right in the photo below) - the woman working there said "You were at Giverny yesterday, weren't you?" We were surprised but said yes, and she said that she remembered us for some reason despite the hundreds of people she'd seen the day before. We also came across a fairly big brocante, and had a good time exploring things - I'd been looking for a boite à thé for some time now and I finally found one that didn't cost 30€. There were also several other activities in the area, including a couple châteaux and a base nautique where you could rent canoes, kayaks and jetskis. Anyways, it was a good weekend and a trip I'd definitely recommend, especially given it's proximity to Paris and the fact that you don't necessarily need a car in order to go.

Though I had to laugh when we got back to C's that night and he flopped down on the bed and said with a long sigh "Whew, I need to get laid". Apparently my trying to explain the difference "laid-back" and "lay down" has only served to confuse him further because now he confuses them all even more. I tell ya, "English Sundays" never fail to be a source of amusement for me.

We are currently crossing the immense state of South Dakota. I am still on the look-out for some buffalo, but they must have all decided to take the day off.

We had a great but short time in Colorado - which gets extra points from me for having full EDGE signal even in the mountains (South Dakota and Wyoming, take note).

I have two cousins who have birthdays just a few days after mine, and we always used to celebrate together as children. Since all of them teach and thus have the summer off, and this year (tomorrow, actually), I will be turning the big 3-0, I thought it might be fun to celebrate again together. And indeed it was.

C also continues to amuse us with his C-isms. We were playing a game and I asked him to blow on my dice for good luck. He got all horrified and refused, and I was like "What? Just blow". And then he whispered in French "But you told me the other day that it wasn't polite to talk about blowing in public". Ha! There's a difference between blowing and blowing yourself my dear.

Later on that day, a chain on my cousin's husbands motorcycle broke, rendering it unusable. C came up to him a while later, put a hand on his shoulder, and said "I'm sorry for your loss". We all thought he was making a joke, so we started laughing. And he looked all confused and said "What? Isn't that what you say?". Oh, the poor boy! I'm sure he will be relieved to be back in France.

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We've been doing a lot of shopping these past few days - though I am regretting the fact that the Euro has taken a tumble. And it's been funny watching C's reaction to everything - we went to Sam's Club today and he couldn't believe the size of everything. I had to stop him from buying half the store - like what on Earth would we do with 50 rolls of scotch tape? But he did get permission to walk out of there with a 12-pack of Mac & Cheese.

He's also not using to watching TV at all, so he keeps getting caught up in the ads. I'll be in another room, and I'll hear "Oh, I want the Ab Blaster. And it's only $99 for a UV teeth whitener! Whoa, look at that steak - we should go to Outback Steak House. Oh, look, a 25 horsepower lawn mower!" And I'm all "Dude, we don't even have a lawn!" He's normally such a conscientious shopper, so it's funny to see how much of the super-consumer tendencies he's taken on in such a short time. I guess the US will do that to ya.

Speaking of buying things, does anyone have any experience with the SlingBox? I'm considering getting one for my birthday, but I'm not 100% convinced I'll use it enough to make it a worthwhile purchase. I'd want it mostly for the evening TV line-up, but my mother doesn't have TiVO and I don't really feel like staying up until 2 or 3am to watch my favorite shows. Nor do I want to spend $200 on the SlingBox plus $300 on a DVR. So if anyone else out there has used one, please let me know what you think.