Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Saturday, April 9, 2011

These happy times have been twinged with bits of sadness. News of the passing of parents of fellow bloggers and co-workers alike. Miscarried babies. Children with incurable cancers. All of this has had my dad on my mind lately. He would've turned 60 a few weeks ago. Instead he is frozen in time at the age of 49.

I think he must have been on my brother's mind a lot lately too. My straight-laced brother just told me he was going to get a tattoo with the date of his passing. It surprised me, but somehow the idea of having a permanent trace of him just seems right. Maybe I will do it myself someday.

Sometimes I think of him not being at our wedding and my heart breaks all over again. I think it's part of the reason I've never seen myself having a traditional church wedding - I just can't imagine him not being there to walk me down the aisle.

While we were home, my mother pulled out their wedding rings. She said she'd meant to offer me hers, but it was too late since I had already purchased my own. But then there was my dad's ring, nestled in a little box. It'd been so long since I'd seen it that I'd almost forgotten what it looked like. I looked it at, and then I looked at C. Somehow we had the same idea at the same time, and I asked him "Elle te plaît ?". He said "Oui", and then tried it on.

I should mention that during the month we were there, we visited jewelry store after jewelry store, trying to find him a wedding band. Not only does he have a weird, in-between ring size, but he was being as picky about the ring as he is about most other things in life. We'd finally settled on one, and placed an order for it. Once it arrived, it, like all the other rings, was just a tad too big. We both liked it, but were disappointed it didn't fit right.

So you can imagine my surprise when he tried on my dad's ring and it fit him perfectly. It was like Goldilocks and the three bears - not too big, not too small, but just right. The only one out of all the rings we tried on. What are the odds?

He told me he loved it and that if it was okay with my mom and my brother, he'd like to wear it. Seeing it on his hand actually moved me to tears, and once again, I felt so incredibly grateful to be with a man who just plan understands me, and the importance my father held in my life. So now that ring is tucked away in a safe place with my wedding band, waiting for the big day.

But then there was the issue of what to do with the original band. I wanted to return it - but C wanted to keep it and start a new tradition. He likes the idea of the engagement ring showing just that - your engagement to someone. So he decided he was going to wear it until the wedding. I protested a bit at first, saying "ça se fait pas!!", but to be honest, he gets hit on so much at work that I don't mind all of those ladies thinking he's married. Which is how it ended up that both of us are now wearing rings.

Unconventional? Maybe. But it works for us.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aw, that is really sweet, and made my eyes tear up. Sounds like you have found yourself a real winner.

April 9, 2011 at 2:37 PM  
Blogger Eileen said...

What a sweet story, Sam.

April 9, 2011 at 6:23 PM  
Blogger ~meredith~ said...

Crying now.
That is so wonderful!

April 9, 2011 at 8:23 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

that's nice it fits him and he likes it.
I gave my frenchman an "engagement" ring too, that he wore until the wedding, then I suprised him with another ring. But he doesn't really wear either now, oh well.

April 9, 2011 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger Mil said...

That kind of gives me chills that it is an exact fit. You're right that we've got to be aware of the sad things around us, if not just to value our own everyday happiness more.

April 9, 2011 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

This is so sweet, Sam. What a great man you've found!
My hubby wore an engagement ring too. Apparently it's not so uncommon here.

April 10, 2011 at 7:33 PM  
Blogger Katia said...

I think that's SO lovely, Sam. I'm so glad you two found each other, and that you're happy.
And it's not SO unusual for a guy to wear an engagement ring - I know TWO other guys who are sporting them too! Perhaps it's going to become a trend!

April 10, 2011 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger Ksam said...

Thanks for everyone for sharing! I'm happy to hear that we're not weirdos. :)

April 10, 2011 at 9:07 PM  
Blogger Chez Loulou said...

Just reading this made me get all teary. I am so happy for you two and think that this just shows how perfect you are for each other!
Huge congratulations again!

April 10, 2011 at 10:08 PM  
Blogger A Seattleite in Paris said...

That's so sweet. Nothing wrong with unconventional, my relationship with the Brit has been pretty unconventional the entire time. FYI - He was also very picky about the rings.

April 11, 2011 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger leon's life said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

April 11, 2011 at 1:53 PM  
Blogger Quantumhollapena said...

Such a sweet story!

If I've learned anything in my whole wedding process, is that you have to make it your own. There are so many crazy "traditions" out there that so-and-so is going to say you HAVE to do, but when it comes down to it, YOU'RE the ones getting married and you get to choose (or create!) the traditions that fit you.

There's really no way in hell that you are going to be able to please everyone and since the day is about you two becoming one, focus on what pleases you. Someone is going to be disappointed, not understand, or just be plain rude or mad at you. Don't let it get you down because you've got so much else to do and you want to do what you can to enjoy the process and the big day. (Also, you'll probably have a million people giving you advice -me included :P) Best of luck!

April 11, 2011 at 9:31 PM  
Blogger Miss J said...

First of all, I'm bawling my eyes out here. That's such a touching story!

Sunno about the rest of the world but at least in Finland the majority of guys wear an engagement ring so nothing weird there. :)

April 11, 2011 at 10:31 PM  
Blogger Juli said...

That is very sweet, some things are just meant to be. Maybe that was a message from your dad that he thinks C is a perfect fit.

April 12, 2011 at 3:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh girl.

April 12, 2011 at 4:06 AM  
Blogger Kathrin said...

This is not a coincidence. It was meant to be that way. :)) I can understand that your heart is aching for your Dad and you really want him to be there and share your big day with him. But you know, he is with you. In your heart. I am sure he wants you to be only one thing.... Happy! That C had so much trouble finding the right ring for himself and than your Dad's fits.. it's like he is sending his blessing.
BTW: When a couple gets engaged in Germany, they both wear a band/ring on their left hand. When they get married, they move that ring over to their right hand.

April 12, 2011 at 5:48 AM  
Blogger Cécy said...

I can only think: this is meant to be.
A very sweet story Sam, and you're going to honor your dad not only with your wedding but through your marriage with a man I'm sure he would approve of.

April 12, 2011 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger Delana said...

It's one of those "the universe is aligned" stories. How wonderful. This man of yours sounds like a real keeper.

April 12, 2011 at 4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a heartwarming story! And why shouldn't men wear engagement rings? ;)

April 13, 2011 at 5:54 PM  
Blogger Jadie said...

No one is everything to anybody, but it's usually one or two main traits that propel us to choose our spouses, and C has clearly shown he has at least one. He knows you, accepts you...and how sweet is that? A woman I know asked her sister, married 30 years if she could ever imagine divorcing Charlie. Her sister's answer was quick , "oh no.. Charlie's practically family!!"

April 15, 2011 at 7:21 AM  

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