Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Good lord, this is f**ked up. Fab called last night because UPS never showed up to get my packages, and as he hung up, he said "I lov...uh, I'll talk to you later". He also keeps calling me "mon lapin" despite my asking him to stop. Old habits die hard, huh?

Now on to the MIL story. When I saw Fab the other night, he was all mad at first, and I told him to calm down, that we should be civil. He then asked me what I had told the MIL at the gare when she dropped me off. I said that I'd told her that if she thought Fab's dad was just going to stop farming on May 1 when he officially retired on May 1, that she was in for a surprise. Once a farmer, always a farmer, especially if one is still living on the farm. Fab said "What else?" and I said that was basically it. But apparently she was crying when she got home from the gare and she told everyone that I said "Mefie-toi, Fabrice et sa nouvelle copine vont arriver et ils vont te mettre dehors". (Watch out, Fab & his new girlfriend are going to move in and kick you out). WTF???

First of all, that's not even a sentence I would construct myself. Second of all, that doesn't even make any sense. If he didn't do it when I showed up, why would he do it with my replacement? But the whole family is now up in arms about this and thinking I'm a huge bitch. What I am is stupid. Here I went to see her Tuesday and I sat at the kitchen table talking to her for like an hour and a half, and she was all nice and sympathetic to me, and I believed her. I just wish I'd knew what she said earlier, so I didn't sit there like a fool talking to her.

Fab thinks maybe she dreamed it and thought it was real, but I know why she said it - she's so scared that the same thing will happen to her and she'll have nowhere to go. That's her biggest fear now that she's sold her house. That either Fab's dad will leave her or that he'll die and the kids will kick her out. Pretty much every time I've seen her since, she's gone on and on about "Et si ça m'arrive???" So she invented this story so that everyone would reassure her that it would never happen. But fuck, to drag my name in the mud? C.R.A.Z.Y. And all's it does is make people start thinking that I'm manipulative and that I deserved this, instead of thinking Fab's the jerky one here.

I don't really care about the rest of the family, but I don't want that to be Fab's dad's last memory of me. I really like(d) him, and I know he liked me in return, so I'd hate for him to think this all is true. I asked Fab to tell him, but I know he won't since his dad is already mad at him for doing this, so the last thing he wants to do is bring it all up.

This is all so frustrating. And it pisses me off that I'm so trusting of people, that I thought she had changed. I should've known better! Seriously. And it's made me question whether or not I can really count on her to let me know when they call the farm to schedule my interview. Knowing my luck, she'll just tell them "She doesn't live here anymore" and hang up. Grr.



Blogger Global Librarian said...

Good Lord! Sorry this may mess up your application.

But in every other respect, you are lucky to get as far away from that family as possible!

May 15, 2008 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger judyb said...


Ditto Global Librarian

May 15, 2008 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger The Bold Soul said...

OK here is one of the best things anyone ever told me, that helped me put things in perspective when someone else doesn't like me or is telling stories. Repeat after me:

"Your opinion of me is none of my business."

What this means is that someone else's opinion is just that - THEIR OPINION. Nothing more. And they are entitled to it, even if it is unfair, unjust, unflattering to you, and a bold-faced lie. An opinion isn't necessarily the truth, it's just a perspective on the truth. You can't force them to change their opinions of you or their behaviors. This family sounds like it was a real mess long before YOU came on the scene and they will continue to be a mess after you've completely left their lives once and for all.

Your only job now is to make yourself happy. And in this instance it might require you giving up the need for their good opinion of you, because that's something over which you have zero control, and to try and influence their opinion only keeps you focused on THEM and THEIR happiness (with you) rather than on your own happiness.

May 15, 2008 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger balletdancer said...

Bold Soul, you are so gifted with the right words and thoughts. Sam, find a spot that brings you peace (I like the Medici fountain in Jardin du Luxembourg.) and release Fab, his girlfriend and his family from living rent free in your head. Wish them the very best in life and then "commencer" your new life focusing on YOU.

May 15, 2008 at 3:25 PM  
Blogger Justin said...

The bold soul has it right! You need to stop thinking about that crazy family and start focusing on how you will not have to deal with their crazy anymore. You are better off. Everyone in that household seems to me like they should be on some serious meds, so don't let it stir you up. Now go out and enjoy Paris! :-)

May 15, 2008 at 5:39 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Even when you know why she might have said you said something like that... wtf? Not an excuse. Try to enjoy the rest of your Tour de France without worrying about the mess Fab's put himself and his entire family into. That's his responsability now, while you're free of it.

I hope she'll have enough personal integrity not to mess with your interview call.

May 15, 2008 at 7:11 PM  
Blogger Astrid said...

What a nightmare of a ex-mother in law. I can't believe you put up with her for that long in the first place!! So fake...

Soon you'll head off into new adventures and put those people behind you.

May 15, 2008 at 8:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, This family sounds really f***ed up and really sad & pathetic. When I think this is the picture of France you had during the past 8 years, I admire you patience!

May 16, 2008 at 1:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen to the Bold Soul, Sam!

May 16, 2008 at 7:10 AM  
Blogger Starman said...

I think you'd be best served if you only dealt with them when it's absolutely necessary and totally forget them the rest of the time. They screwed you, you don't have to even respond to their crap.

May 16, 2008 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger A Seattleite in Paris said...

That was just mean of her.

May 17, 2008 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

RUN ... don't walk. When exactly does your paperwork finalize for your citizenship ?

Cut your communication with this toxic bunch as soon as you can. As soon as your citizenship process is finalized.

Unbelieveable .... you are patient and strong. Hold your chin up, fists clenched at your sides and get through this.

You have your future ahead of you ... this is only a nasty speed bump.

May 19, 2008 at 2:17 AM  

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