I had a little bit of deja vu at the airport yesterday. I got to my gate and
realized that I was at the exact same gate I flew out of went I went to live in
Finland back in 1999. I remember it so clearly, because as I was sitting there,
thethought "This is the last time you are going to see one of your parents"
popped into my head. Everything was just in slow motion after that, and I kept
telling myself that it was ridiculous, but I still turned around to take one last look
at my parents before boarding the plane. That was indeed the last time I saw
my dad, he died unexpectedly not too long after.
I've had moments like that several times through out my life, where I just get
these kinds of flashes of what's going to happen, or premonitions if you will.
Usually it's when someone is going to die, but not always. My grandma is the
same way. But I've always been right on up til now. I remember the very first
time I saw Fab - before we'd even met, before I knew he was French. I saw him
across the room and out of nowhere, "That's the man you're going to marry"
flashed through my mind. Now, I'm not a huge believer in love at first sight, but
to be honest, that thought was part of the reason I moved to France, and part of
the reason I stuck it out. I thought it was just meant to be. So it kind of makes
me doubt myself now when "Paris is where you're supposed to be" keeps running
through my head. But I'm just going to go with it for now - it's certainly a better
option than small-town Minnesota!
Labels: Dear Dad, Matters of the heart
posted by Ksam @ 2:58 PM
13 Comments:
Hi Sam,
I'm a firm believer that everything will turn out OK in the end. So, I reckon you'll have a great summer in Paris. As you said in one of your previous posts, maybe this is just beginning of bigger and better things!
Good luck!
SG
Think of it this way: You weren't actually wrong about marrying Fab. Since you didn't know he was French, and you probably had no idea that such a thing as PACS-ing existed, there was no way you could have thought 'That's the man i'm going to be PACS-ed to.' At that point, the only word your mind could give it was 'marry'.
You did marry Fab, and Paris is where you need to be.
Hi Sam,
It's interesting how you had all of those premonitions. I do believe in that kind of stuff... I also believe that things will turn out okay in the end.. That all things happen for a reason- good, bad or horrible! I think Judyb's comment rings true... Being with someone that long in a relationship in a Pacs is exactly like a marriage, I think! Anyhow.. I think that good things await you this summer in Paris... for one, all your blogger friends... and two--- HOPEFULLY, some good weather this summer!!!
Bon voyage and see you soon... Leesa
Sam, I believe in this too. Especially the first part about seeing one of your parents for the last time. I remember looking back at my mom waving at me and have remembered that moment clearly even before she died and now ever so clearly that she is gone.
I look forward to seeing you in Paris. I hope you will have time to stop in to the tea house and chat.
OMG ... Sam. I totally understand what you are saying. I felt this when I was "rescued" by Jordane from Madame Grumpy last year .... I'll tell that story later. And, I'll never tell him this - it will inflate his Breton head ! Not good !
Go with this ... ride the wave. Life takes us all, guides us into unexpected places. Only the brave get to experience the grand things. Don't sit back and say "non" out of fear. Go for it.
Tell me, do you wish to be an old lady saying "Coulda, shoulda, woulda " ? No .... so stop hyper analyzing. God, I do enough of this to serve us all ! *lol* Besides ... you do have the book to write and the fortune to be made from this, yes ? Soak it up bebe !!!!
your new hair cut is giving you paranormal powers.
use them for evil purposes. ;-)
Bon voyage, Samantha!
I'll be envious when August comes and Bertrand Delanoë covers the banks of la Seine with sand and all you parisiennes turn into SoCal beach bunnies!
Amitiés,
I hope Paris Plage will turn me into a Pariplageuse this summer, too... cuz last summer I only got to go one day.. .of day that it didn't rain and was at least 62F! The rest of Paris Plage was under clouds, rain and cold weather... I did get some cool photos, though... I have GOOD VIBES for this summer, though... Since you will be there... we can hang out on the plage!! Do you have rollerblades or a bike, by any chance??? --Leesa
The thought of small-town Minnesota strikes terror into my soul....
Life is for living - have fun in Paris... And, when you look back, just think of it all as necessary life experience getting you to where you currently are!
Then enjoy where you currently are.
Welome back !
I recently just read about your father and your premonitions on your old blog as I've been reading through the archives. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a hindrance to have this six sense, but I really feel for you because it can't be easy to have a sense that it is the last time you are going to see somebody. You poor thing, and I'm so sorry about your father.
There can't be any harm in you giving a life in Paris a go, can it? Even if its only for a couple of months it will do you good. I really firmly believe that everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason. Even the bad things. Whatever will come out of your experiences in Paris will only serve to make you a better person whether its good experiences or tough ones, because I think thats what life is all about.
Sam, hurry up and get back! France misses you too.
It WAS meant to be for you to meet Fab and move to France. Not because you were meant to stay with him forever but because you needed that relationship to happen the way it did so you could get over here and make a life for yourself that is a better fit for you than what you were doing in America. Don't be surprised if one of these days, you meet someone else over here, and HE will be the one you get your "ever after" with. Fab was just a necessary stepping stone. Your intuition was accurate.
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