Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Monday, January 25, 2010

10 ans

Today marks 10 years since my dad died.

10 years. How is that possible?

10 years ago, I was 19, living in Helsinki and feeling so grown-up. Never imagining that one day I'd live in France, let alone Paris.

My dad was a good man. And a great father. And I miss him dearly. It used to make me really sad that Fab and my dad never met - they had a lot in common and I know they really would've liked each other. And now it makes me sad that he will never meet any of the men in my life.

Sometimes a death can really bring a family together. His tore mine apart and left wounds I'm not sure will ever heal. I am generally a believer that everything happens for a reason - and that belief is usually what gets me through hard times. But this is the one event in my life that I have yet to see any good come from.

So I'm not really sure what to do today. This isn't really the kind of anniversary you celebrate, but it's not one that I want to just let pass by either. C suggested we walk over to Notre Dame tonight to light a candle in my father's memory, and maybe that's all I can do.



Blogger TreeFeathers said...

I'm sorry about your dad. Lighting a candle at Notre Dame is a beautiful way to honor his memory. C sounds like a really thoughtful guy - I'm sure your dad would be happy to know his daughter had a guy who cares about her and treats her so well! Hang in there.

- Grace

January 25, 2010 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger Cécy said...

I'm very thankful to still have both my parents.
My grandfather however died almost 6 years ago this year. I don't do anything on the day of his death. However I still think about him on his birthday. To me his birthday makes more sense, that's what I celebrated while he was alive, that's what reminds me of him. His death, it's not something I can celebrate.
The best way to honor him in my opinion is to talk about him, maybe share a special story about your dad to C. while you light that candle. His memory and what he gave you is what matters.

January 25, 2010 at 1:36 PM  
Blogger Justin said...

*big hugs* Sam!

January 25, 2010 at 3:55 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

It's been 20 years since I lost my dad. I still think of him often. For me, the best way to remember him is to keep trying to live up to his standard of an ethical life and that's what I try to impart to my kids (who never met him) too.

January 25, 2010 at 4:45 PM  
Blogger phelps5 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

January 25, 2010 at 5:21 PM  
Blogger meredith said...

Hugs Sam.
It's a hard anniversary. I don't know if my family will ever be the same again, either.

January 25, 2010 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger Quantumhollapena said...

Everytime I've ever been to Notre Dame I've lit a candle for my grandmother (affectionately called "Tota" which is a Mohawk pet name for a grandparent). She passed away 5 years ago and was my second parent. Actually, I think I light a candle for her (and sometimes my mother, for good luck) everytime I'm in a church...

January 25, 2010 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger Starman said...

I think this is a pretty good tribute to your dad.

January 25, 2010 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger MISS YURI said...

Lighting a candle sounds perfect. And maybe call your mom, too, let her know that you love her and you forgive her. And tell your brother he's awesome and strong.

January 25, 2010 at 8:11 PM  
Blogger au soleil levant said...

I'm a big believer that we create our own meaning out of the crappy things that happen to us. There is no reason for death, and it's up to us to try to carry on with life in a way that honors the memory of those we have lost and the lessons they taught us.

Big hugs to you today.

January 26, 2010 at 5:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


January 26, 2010 at 5:44 AM  
Blogger corine said...

J'avais lu dans ton blog que tu avais perdu ton papa et je suis désolée. C a une bonne idée, c'est ce qu'on fait en France ; c'est bizarre, mais cela réconforte un petit peu. A bientôt, Corine.

January 26, 2010 at 5:29 PM  
Blogger shannon said...

*big hugs*

I lost my father over 16 years ago now, and with what would be his birthday around the corner, he has been on my mind a lot lately. So my thoughts are with you.

January 27, 2010 at 12:00 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Sorry to hear that Sam :(

January 27, 2010 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

oh that must be so hard, especially at such a young age. Lighting a candle is a nice idea. Or maybe buy one of those big ones, and just light it for a few hours every year.

January 27, 2010 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger Mouse said...

I have been lighting candles for my father for twenty years
My hand still shakes each time I try to hold the candle
Thinking of you...

January 31, 2010 at 3:14 PM  

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