Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Thursday, January 21, 2010

One day while I was in Texas, my cousin and I were in her room, getting ready to go out. I was already finished, so I was just sitting around, chatting. She had a book next to her bed - I can't remember the title of it, but it was sort of a religious "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". I asked her about it, and she said they'd had to read it as part of their pre-marital counseling required by their church. I started flipping through it, and while it seemed a bit cro-magnon-ish (I man. You woman) and hokey, it did have some good points, mainly about the expectations men and women often have of each other.

Along the lines of how most women tend to show their feelings through obvious words and actions. And then get frustrated when men don't reciprocate in the same way. So the book spent a lot of time talking about how a man's way of taking care of a woman can be more subtle - it could be something like checking the air pressure in her tires so she doesn't have an accident or fixing something around the house. The point being that a lot of their actions in the name of love are unspoken and often go unseen, and that we women may need to look a bit harder for them since they're not being shouted from the rooftops.

It's funny though, because I was just reminded of that book now. C just sent me a text saying he finally found some see-through plastic to put up on my windows. And my first reaction was "Um...great!" But when I thought about it further, it actually is really sweet. There's no double-pane action going on here in my shoebox, so I lose a lot of warmth that way and am often cold. And I really hate being cold. C already had some transparent stuff at his place, but he didn't want to cover up my view of the Eiffel Tower. So instead he trekked all over Paris looking for the see-through kind. And when I think about it, he's done a lot of little things like that in my apartment (or vice-versa in his apartment) to make it more comfortable for me.

He's very different from anyone I've ever dated before - he's less vocal & more traditional - so it's been sort of a learning process for me to figure out how to relate to such a man's man. And this post is a mental note to remind myself that's it's also important to look for the small ways he shows he cares, instead of looking only for the grand gestures or proclamations.



Blogger Mouse said...

A man who makes you warm and cosy and protects your view of the Eiffel Tower sounds good to me!

January 21, 2010 at 12:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gifts of service are exactly the type of thing I respond to even more than a grand gesture.

That he wanted to keep you warm while recognizing how important that view was makes him appear to be exactly the right mix of sensitivity and practicalness that I think makes a great partner.

It's nice to see you being treated well. :)

January 21, 2010 at 12:31 PM  
Blogger Anon said...

Yes! Men demonstrate affection and thoughtfulness in ways different from women. At times I think, "why when x,y,z are more pressing" then realize it is the going out of one's way to make the other happy that is the key. Subtle and interesting and good for you for distinguishing between the two.

January 21, 2010 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Doc said...

I guess this means 'shithead' won't be in the final list of lovey-dovey names. Mine simply points out that the tire pressure is low, or waits until two years after our son has been electrocuted before changing a light switch, or maybe three years while my eyes die to install a 'real' light in our kids' bedroom. I could use a healthy dose of subtle. Would be a real change from inexistant.
I am thrilled you have someone who is finally considerate of you and your comfort! You deserve it. So, how's about dragging him out to my neck of the woods so I can meet 'em? (and be even more jealous than I already am ;°)

January 21, 2010 at 4:16 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

This hits close to home for me today. Thanks for posting it, Sam. I got really frustrated with my hubby yesterday because he left town for three days without taking out the trash, picking up his dirty socks, etc.. but before he left he installed a new light fixture so i'd be able to see on the stairs (I fall down them a lot) and set out des encombrants so as to clear out our KGB -- two things I didn't notice until after i'd already yelled at him for missing trash day.

January 21, 2010 at 4:34 PM  
Blogger au soleil levant said...

C sounds great. I'm so happy for you that you have such a nice guy in your life. And he plays guitar! *swoon*

January 21, 2010 at 5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How sweet!! Sounds like you've got yourself a winner!

January 21, 2010 at 6:21 PM  
Blogger TreeFeathers said...

Aww, he sounds like a nice change for you, Sam!

- Grace

January 21, 2010 at 6:51 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I think a lot of men would disagree with your statement of "most women tend to show their feelings through obvious words and actions."
It seems to me that men think women are too subtle about what they want, ie "it sure would be nice if the dishes were put away" rather than "get off your rear and put the dishes away, please"

When we got married here in France, our priest debated having us go through those pre-marital counseling/classes, but then decided I probably didn't know French well enough. :)

January 21, 2010 at 9:09 PM  
Blogger Cécy said...

You bring up a very interesting point. A good reminder to look for those little things. I tease my husband that he doesn't love me anymore when he forget to put fresh water in my glass for the night (in which case it's "my turn"). Those little things do make a difference and are worth noticing.

January 21, 2010 at 9:29 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

That is EXACTLY what I love from my husband. He can tell me he loves me all he wants and that's nice, but dude, CHANGE MY OIL and I will be forever yours.

January 22, 2010 at 1:00 PM  

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