Ugh, I feel all jumbly. Fab just called me out of the blue and we talked for over half an hour (on his dime, which is a huge surprise). It's so strange to talk to him because every time I do, we just slip back into our old banter, and I have to fight myself not to do it, not to let him off the hook so easy. I guess that's maybe normal after you've spent so much time with someone? Or because things didn't end in a huge screaming match?
He was calling to make sure I'd gotten his text message re:my birthday, and to say that he was sorry he missed it and that he'd thought about it on the 25th but that it was the 27th before he realized it. He kept asking where I was, but I just didn't feel like telling him. I don't want him to know yet that things are going well for me, nor that I'm still in France.
He said that he still thinks about me a lot and that he feels really bad that things happened the way they did. And that I am still the best person he's ever met - to which I replied "I don't think Katell would be happy if she heard you say that". He said he's mostly happy with her though, but that they barely see each other because he's working so much. That things are really hectic at the farm and that he's getting really backed up on paperwork since I'm not there to remind him anymore to do it. That he's flat broke, but that I already knew. And that I'll see, one day I will look back on this and thank him because I deserve so much better than the life I had. And that he'll still be there on the farm, flat-broke, balding & fat. Good lord I hope so.
He said that his dad still asks about me, but that everyone else is just pretending like I never existed - no surprise there. The good news is that the MIL got over her little outburst really quickly, so that just confirmed to Fab & his dad that she was lying. Hopefully that bodes well for me too for this fall.
I finally ended the call because it was just getting a little bit too familiar, too many inside jokes. And then the "mon lapin" started coming out again - that's where I draw the line. I do appreciate that he called though, that he wants to make sure I'm doing okay - considering how much he hates confrontation and how guilty he feels about this whole thing, I know it couldn't have been easy for him to do. But hell, it wasn't easy for me either.
Labels: Heartbreak hotel
posted by Ksam @ 5:19 PM
20 Comments:
Well I can say nothing would ever through my day through a loop like a call from the EX. Having been there, I can say mixed emotions are normal. Now go out for a nice walk in Paris and enjoy yourself!
"he feels really bad that things happened the way they did."
Love the way he phrased that, excusing himself from any actual responsibility there - he didn't DO anything, "things" just HAPPENED! Sounds like the only remorse he feels is of the buyer's variety, realizing he made a bad deal. Tant pis for him!
P.S. - You've been
tagged!
Just a question: given what grain prices are at the moment, what with the HUGE world food shortage and the while biofuel rage, HOW is he so damn broke all the time? I mean, we're not exactly rolling in it here, but the past few years have made things much more comfortable. I understand the need to put away for one of those bad years, but for some reason I don't think that's the root of his cash shortage.
I can't believe he started talking about the other girl to you. What was that about? and lapin?? Please say you hung up there and then? When you meet that nice hot Dutch man, living in France, speaking french, tall...(I'm remembering your last post) you'll have you ring Fab up to *chat*...do ya think he's like that? yuck
What I want to know is...
What the heck is so bad about being bald?
Treefeathers - the French are the masters of shirking responsibility, it's not just a Fab thing.
Doc - they have animals, not grain, or at least not much. The high feed prices are killing them, plus there's the fact that both Fab & his dad are absolutely terrible at managing money. And they do everything half-ass, so things break down a lot more than they should & they end up losing a lot of time & money.
TBF - there's a big difference between "being bald" and "balding". Not that it really matters to me, but Fab is really paranoid about his receding hairline, so any mention of him losing his hair freaks him out.
We don't know one another outside of cyber space. I have commented a few times and I always say I love your blog for its' honesty mostly.
Move away from the Fab...move away, concentrate on Paris and your new life. Fab is the past.
Easy for me to say but you deserve my sage advice!!!
yada yada yada...that's all I can say. Great he called, great he's worried about you and wants to know you are ok, you are OK, you are MORE than ok, you are GREAT! I agree Fab is the past, there are bigger and better things out there for you, don't get pulled back in, one phone call is OK but move on. You sound so happy and so free, cherish that and enjoy paris.
I find it interesting that he and Katell don't see each other because he works tooo much. Do you think he'll start working so much that he'll find a Katell to replace the current Katell? Or what if Katell finds another Fab? Either way what comes around goes around. Enjoy Paris. I also love the "French responsibility" comment you made. You do think he does that French shrug when he says that?
I think that these friendly discussions between two ex-lovers are part of the mourning process. It takes time to stop loving someone.
Bon week-end Samantha!
I know that he misses you a lot and that's why he's calling you.. Just to hear your voice... and I hope the guilt of what he DID really sits with him for a long ride.. I am soooo happy that you have done so well in all of this... Maybe he was right, Sam.. when he said you deserve so much better.. Maybe his doing this will now free you up to find a Mr. Bon! (I don't know how to translate Mr. Right in French... See ya tomorrow.. Leesa : )
You know if you do want him back we will still love you.
Jules! Come on, you should know me better than that!
This comment has been removed by the author.
I don't know how I deleted that comment but all I said was
I am just sayin...
You did well handling the call. And please don't bother calling him. IT's over and you are moving onward..
And you are doing wonderful and looking forward to finding someone who really cares for you!
Just feel lucky this happened to you at such a young age!!!
I gotta say, Jules' comment has really been bothering me. Guys, please give me some credit here and stop telling me to move on. I have. I would like to point out that it is Fab who has been calling/texting me and not the other way around.
Secondly, there is no way I would go back - Fab made a fool out of me in front of his family & friends. I do have some smidgen of self-worth left. And considering how his family has forgotten me? No way in hell I could ever look at them the same way again. Not to mention that I would have to be an idiot to choose that shitty life a second time around. No thanks.
Oh Sam, I am so sorry if I made you feel bad! I won't go into all of my own personal drama here but it wasn't very long ago something like this happened to me and everyone said oh move on he isn't good enough for you and it kinda pissed me off a little.
My only point was that you have to do what feels right to you, just because you know you should move on doesn't mean it just happens.
It hurts and it takes time and it seems obvious that what Fab did to you had nothing at all to do with his feelings for you but his own personal feelings of inadequacy. He didn't cheat on you because he had the hots for Katell, he just needed to leave your relationship because he felt he was not good enough for you and never would be-she was just the catalyst he used.
The relationship you and Fab had was the real thing and I personally believe that you could make it work if everything was different, but everything is not going to be different, he is always going to be inadequate and you are always going to need more. It certainly would not make you less of a person or be anything to be ashamed of if you did want to try again. My only point was that if you need to do that then do it and don't worry about how it looks to anyone else. It is your heart.
oh man, it must have been really weird hearing from him. good thing you kept your cool :)
You're nicer than I am. I would have been tempted to hang up on him and then send him some Rogaine.
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