Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Monday, June 23, 2008

Doesn't give a girl much hope

I was talking to my mother last night, and she told me about how after church yesterday, the head of the Church Council asked everyone to stick around for a meeting. At which, they announced that one of the pastors had resigned. We've had two pastors, a husband and a wife team, for probably seven or eight years now. I never liked them very much personally (which I always felt guilty about - how can you not like a pastor??), but it never really mattered much since I only went there once or twice a year.

Anyways, they announced that the husband was resigning because he had had an affair, and that they were also getting a divorce. WTF? If even married pastors can't keep it in their pants, what hope do we have for the rest of the men out there? I mean, I know they are only human as well, but still, they are held to a higher standard. And with all the preaching they do, I think they should be. This guy has early-onset Parkinson's though, and my mom thinks he probably met someone at one of the support groups or something. They say it's not someone from our church, nor our town, but who knows. It's not like they're going to say "The adulteress is among us". One thing I learned though is that for as progressive as our church as, they have a zero-tolerance level for cheating - if a clergyman cheats, he is essentially ex-communicated and can no longer work as a pastor anywhere in the world. That really kind of surprised me, because they're normally so accepting of people from all religions, all walks of life, all orientations. But again, higher standard for the pastors.

I wonder what he's going to do now. I come from a really small town, where everyone knows everyone. He has two children, but I can't see him really being able to stick around, given everything that's happened. The funny thing is though, I can see his side of it too. Which was also my problem with Fab, and why I was never able to go around calling him a bastard. A coward who took the easy way out, yes, but a bastard, no. Here you've got these two guys who are under so much pressure and there are so many things changing at once, and all of the sudden you meet this girl who doesn't know you or your story. She's just separate from everything else and with her, you can forget all your worries for a while. I can see why would that would be attractive. But like someone wrote to me in an email recently, "just because a girl offers herself up, your man isn't obligated to take it". True dat, sistah.



Blogger Mignon said...

My husband always say's it's about the "character " of a man. With today's world we don't teach honor or respect as we should. We have a free- for- all attitude. Don't be a prude, but when your with someone respect and honor. If it's time or your ready to end a relationship do it honestly and respectfully. If you don't, you have no character.
I think the pastor should of kept his mouth shut and repent with guilt for the rest of his life. Unless he got cought and his wife wants him out. You go wife!

June 23, 2008 at 3:38 PM  
Blogger barbara said...

I'am not getting into theology, but you would think that someone who leads a congregation would really set some type of example.

There are very few real role models today...
That's a tough career change too.

See you soon ;)

June 23, 2008 at 5:31 PM  
Blogger parisiannewyorker said...

Oh well.

I have been noticing somewhat of a "trend" of people who preach and then go ahead and do the thing that they are preaching against (ahem, Elliot Spitzer).

Then again, we are all human and therefore not perfect - everyone messes up and some point.

June 23, 2008 at 6:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coming from a Catholic background it really doesn't surprise me at all...I expect most priests and pastors have probably similiar sex lives to politicians...those two professions are the ones in which people seem to be the most hypocritical I find.

June 23, 2008 at 7:50 PM  
Blogger Alisa said...

I find it odd that they announced all that personal stuff to the whole congregation. I mean, they didn't really have to go into detail about exactly WHY he was resigning, did they? I dunno, I don't want to get into a religion debate here...

June 23, 2008 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger Leesa said...

I think those in the "religious spotlight" seem to be the biggest hypocrites.. Of course they are just human like the rest of us.. But, please try to set an example if you have a job like that ... or find another career.. perhaps.. I'm not one to judge, that's not my job.. But those guys should be held to certain standards-- like job requirements.. Thou shalt not commit adultry is one of those, I believe!! : ) Anyhow.. I think that sometimes people feel that when the are honest and "come clean" they will be more easily forgiven, in the end.. Maybe he really regrets his poor choices and how he hurt everyone around him.. We never know what's in someone's heart!!

June 23, 2008 at 10:43 PM  
Blogger The Bold Soul said...

A few years back, my mother received a letter from her minister announcing that he and his wife were divorcing, because SHE had had an affair with a minister at a church in the next town over! He wrote in the letter that his conduct had been reviewed by his superiors in the church and he was found to be blameless of any wrong-doing so he didn't have to resign, and in fact he is still the minister there and has actually remarried.

But I remember how shocked we all were by it and how badly I felt for him and for his children, because when you're a minister, your private life is not all that private when it comes to things like this, and not only did they have to suffer through it, but publicly as well. How painful to have to write that letter, which he acknowledged IN the letter, but he felt it was necessary to squash any rumors and to be open about what had been happening (people would certainly notice if the minister's wife wasn't around anymore).

I think if someone is determined to cheat on their spouse or partner, they will invent any excuse to do it. Human beings are remarkably good at justifying their behavior at least in the short term. In a perfect world, if someone was unhappy in his or her marriage or relationship, they would find another way to work that out without resorting to boosting their egos with an affair... but then this isn't a perfect world and we aren't perfect people.

I guess that's why they talk about not casting the first stone.

June 25, 2008 at 10:05 AM  

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