Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

My SIL (the nice one) told me yesterday that the MIL was planning on inviting Fab and the girl over for dinner soon. Again, WTF? Give me a break, it's been like six weeks, they don't even know if it's going to last. It really kind of made me feel bad for a while afterwards that they have all seemed to move on so quickly, but she just said "Well, you know how they are - they never talk about anything and just keep going on pretending like nothing ever happened".

They had a surprise retirement party for Fab's dad Saturday, and she said it was like I'd never existed. The only person that said something about me to her was Fab's older sister, and all's she said was that if Fab's dad hadn't told her a couple weeks earlier, she would've shown up that night and asked where I was. How weird is that that neither her sister or the MIL would mention it to her, for like almost a month? They are so bizarre, I just don't understand how none of them can be talking about this, it's good gossip.

Anyways, I felt bad for a while afterwards, but then I realized I preferred hearing stuff like this - it helps me move on. Like so many of you have said, if they can forget me so quickly then why should I spend my time feeling bad about losing them? So it passed, and now I'm doing okay again. But lord, is this blog like free therapy for me - talking about it helps, but it's really only once I get it down "on paper" and put it out there that I can feel liberated from it. Like it's the only way I can really get it out. I've never been one to keep a diary, but it's been that way ever since I started blogging about my life in France. I'd feel frustrated, come home and let it out in a post, and then feel a million times better. Who'd have ever thought?



Blogger Milk Jam said...

i agree as annoying (and hurtful) as it is to hear the stories it will help you move on faster! good thing to get out of the crazy family! that's nuts, my family-in-law always talks about family gossip and past girlfriends of the 3 boys. even the current SIL who married into the family gets lots of gossip talked about her when she's not there... opps! I've learned so many things, some of which i'd rather not know! lol

May 20, 2008 at 7:41 AM  
Blogger Zannah said...

I'm a huge fan of the blog-as-therapy approach. At least, it always works for me. Also good therapy: hanging out with other single Midwesterners in Paris. :)

May 20, 2008 at 10:06 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

When my French ex-h and I agreed to divorce (he asked, I agreed), his family went into an obsessive loathing of me. I had been suspicious of their attitude towards me - seemingly pleasant but something distasteful underneath, and of course it all came out, related to me by my son. Yes, they spewed their vitriol in front of my son.

Meanwhile, I was having lunch with a female pal every day and as I didn't have a blog at that time, she was my therapy. It meant I didn't have to resort to Prozac or a shrink.

Lean on your friends, Sam. They'll be delighted to help, and it'll do you the world of good to talk about things as well as writing them down here.

May 20, 2008 at 10:30 AM  
Blogger Astrid said...

A family seemingly close doesn't know what's happening with the other memebers of the family? - that's just weird!!

I'm sure that in a while you'll be happy far away from them :)

May 20, 2008 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Starman said...

You've pretty much summed up what blogging is all about. It is a fantastic way to reconcile problems that would otherwise just ramble around in our heads tormenting us.

So, you're a 75 now. Harumph! Who could ask for more? I wish I could be a 75. A real one, I mean,not a suburban wannabe. And I can't even do that.....yet.

May 20, 2008 at 12:19 PM  
Blogger Alison said...

Blogging saved my life during my separation and divorce. Keep it up, Sam. And as Sarah said, lean on your friends. It's okay.

May 20, 2008 at 1:53 PM  
Blogger Kim/Thomas said...

and even have a diary that "talks" how much better can that get?:)

May 20, 2008 at 3:01 PM  
Blogger Justin said...

let it all out, we are always here to listen! And man that family is crazy, forget about them!

May 20, 2008 at 6:02 PM  
Blogger poppy fields said...

I agree that blogging is a great way to get things out instead of letting them eat you from the inside out. I like what kim and thomas said...a diary that talks and talks back, reminding you that a lot of people care about what you're going through.

May 20, 2008 at 6:41 PM  
Blogger Leesa said...

Hey Sam,

UGHHH!!! Would you have been friends with ANY of them if it weren't for the fact that they were HIS family?? I know you said his dad was nice to you... and his sister is nice, too... BUT... YIIIKKKEESS.. run for the hills.... (or Paris)- that family is bad news.. It seems like they are pretty disfunctional, in my eyes! You will be so much better when you come up to our neck of the woods! You already have a ton of friends up in 75- and one here in 92!! I'm glad to here that you are able to be moving on now.. and that your blog is therapeutic - AMEN to that and to your friends!
Take care, Leesa

May 20, 2008 at 7:36 PM  
Blogger Bee Ean said...

I'm not surprised. My French family does not talk about gossip. I have to get things out from the grandmother who loves to talk. :-)

May 20, 2008 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger Ginger said...

You know, I do not have a lot of experience with either native french (expect my own family that is there - extended, not immediate) and when I met Jordane's family a month back. I have to say that my grandmother, mother and aunts are the same as you describe .... they dummy up when bad things occur. Nothing is discussed. NOTHING, NADA. It's almost spooky. I was taught to behave like this but have a really difficult time. I remember being a teenager saying that I was the only one that would speak about the big, pink elephant standing in the parlor !!!! It's just not considered polite, I suppose. Suppression, passive aggressiveness ... the works. My father's family is totally different ! They yap about EVERYTHING ! What a juxapostion !!!

You know, take this as a big, well-timed gift. You need to move away from this. They have already cut the cord, now you have to. as they say. In this, your situation, this is strangely healthy.

Hey, after what you said the other day about his almost saying that he loved you, calling you "mon lapin" .... you know he still has feelings. This is what is niggling at you. Forget it. Be a little cruel. He screwed you over and ultimatly, himself.

Harden yourself. Look forward and don't look back. Just like a fairy-tale that says that you will be damned if you look behind you .... DON'T.

He's gonna be in pain soon enough anyways, if he already isn't. Forget him for now. When YOU are stronger you can find out where he's at. NOT NOW. Build yourself up, get strong again. It's gonna take some time. Give it six-months and find out ... I am sure that you know how. Oh, and if you do visit Bretagne again and have any chance of seeing him in the distant future, DON'T forget to get your hair and nails done ! Remember, success and looking good are sometimes the very best revenge. *winks*

Hang in there ... you're doing just fine.

May 21, 2008 at 3:08 AM  
Blogger Anon said...

Blogs can be therapy for the writer and reader as well. Reading your posts are inspiring as are your courage and insight.

Good riddance to those "inlaws", you deserve better!

May 21, 2008 at 4:08 AM  

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