Ha, thanks, you guys are too kind! I need the self-esteem boosting right about now - getting thrown out like an old sock has a way of kicking one's confidence to the curb. :-(
In other news, my little brother is now a college graduate. How 'bout that? And how's this for odd - he got a job working for a bank in the Twin Cities....but not just any bank, MY bank. Out of all the banks, and all the branches, he gets hired as a manager at mine. How crazy is that? I'm really proud of him though - they interviewed over 100 candidates for only four jobs.
The graduation ceremony and the party afterwards were a bit hard on me. Everyone kept asking "So where's that lovely Frenchman of yours? Didn't he come back this time?" and "When are you two getting married??" I know this is part of life in a small town, and it's exactly why I've been sort of secluding myself since I've been back - since no one here but my family knows what happened, the less people I run into, the better. I don't need everyone gossiping about me, at least not yet. It's still too fresh. Plus, with my high school reunion coming up, I'd prefer just to stay under the radar for a while. I'll tell them next time I come home and am a bit distanced from it, and when I have a better idea of what I'll be doing. So until then, I guess I'll just keep forcing a smile and saying "Nope, no wedding bells yet".
I did have one kind of "light bulb" moment though during the ceremony, when it hit me what the true meaning of commencement was - a beginning. It's not something I'd ever thought of before - for me, a commencement ceremony was always the celebration of an end. But really, it's a chance for a new start, and it was a good reminder for me that I can choose to make this a fresh start as well.
Labels: Heartbreak hotel
posted by Ksam @ 2:55 AM
7 Comments:
yesssssssssssssssssssss. being a winner runs in the fam.
xxx
Well said about the word commencement. This IS a beginning, it just doesn't feel like it yet.
Another thing: stop saying things to yourself like "I was thrown out like an old sock". Self-talk like that does you absolutely no good. Yes, he left. Yes, he chose to be with someone else. Yes, he is a skunk. That's what makes HIM trash, not YOU.
Re-frame your perspective and stop visualizing yourself in the victim role. Sure you need time to grieve and heal, because it hurts, and it SHOULD hurt because your feelings were invested. But each time you talk about yourself like that, the "old sock" type of thing, you are cementing that victim-thinking in your energy. So... just stop. If you catch yourself doing it, say "STOP!" and then remind yourself this is his loss -- and your COMMENCEMENT of something bigger, bolder and better.
You'll be fine in time. You're already on your way.
Dear Samantha,
Happy new beginngs!
A song for mourning and moving on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
DARXp7T99bI&feature=related
Amitiés,
Dear Samantha,
When I was 38 years old my mother shot herself in the right temple in a small anteroom in her tiny San Francisco studio at the corner of Larkin & McAllister Streets.
One of the songs that got me through was by Earl Thomas Conley was called "What I'd Say." I've left you a YouTube address below where a young man named Davey T does a bang up job with the same song.
If you give it a listen, you might be surprised at how applicable it is to the current situation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=5z4M4g4AnxY
"What I'd Say"
Earl Thomas Conley
Talkin to the mirror
whisperin your name
just like you were here, youd think i was insane
I hold these conversations in the silence of my room
rehearsing all the things id say should i run into you
hows it going might be what id say
you broke my heart you know
or it looks like rain today
or maybe god i missed you since you went away
your lookin well
or go to hell might be what id say
theres times i feel so angry id put my fist right through the wall
then theres times ive come so close to giving you a call
i love you and i hate you all at the same time
i pray that you'll come back to me before i lose my mind
hows it going might be what id say
you broke my heart you know
or it looks like rain today
or maybe god i missed you since you went away
your lookin well
or go to hell might be what id say
Guess you'll have to wait until that day
to find out what i'd say
God i missed you since you went away
your looking well
or go to hell
might be what i'd say
Happy listening & amitiés,
Congrats to your bro', that's really well done!!
And I'm glad you see it as a new beginning for yourself, because it really is. You're about to set out on a brand new journey in life and that just wouldn't happen if you and 'himself' were still together. Yay, to new beginnings! (and new friends also as I have a feeling you will be meeting tons and tons of bloggers when you're in Paris - me included yaaaaay!)
Lots love x x x x x x
Congrats are in order for your brother !
Ugh; gossippy people.
You are doing fine; just keep your "jardin secret" for yourself. They don't need to know...
Just keep up those positive thoughts .
Sam, life is rough sometimes. I had my mother tell everyone about my broken engagement, it definitely helped to stop the random questions. And unfortunately it never really ends... about the time they stop asking what happened, they then start asking when will you ever find someone nice. Luckily I have a self-deprecating sense of humor so when my grandmother threw out the nice little gem of asking me in front of the entire room when will I meet a nice girl and FINALLY get married, I was able to remind her publicly that I had already tried once and instead she chose to break my heart. Then laughed it off... ahh I love family time ;-)
Life will slowly move on... Chin up! Now go out and show off that new do!
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