Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

And now for the osteopath portion of our story

So I arrived at the osteopath and sat down in his waiting room. Which had classical music piped in, a marble fire place and crown molding everywhere. Hmm, I thought, good thing this is going to be covered by la sécu.

Or was it? (insert ominous music here)

I finally got called in, and he said "Okay, take all of your clothes off". Now, I'd seen an osteopath once before in 2004, after an incident involving a small child tackling me and knocking me over, so I expected this part. Unlike in the US, there is usually no changing room, nor a paper gown for you to wear. So I wasn't *that* freaked out by having to strip down to my skivvies right in front of the doctor. And contrary to the last time, I'd at least had the sense to put on some decent, matching sous-vêtements. I can't remember if last time I'd worn granny pants or a thong, but either way, it wasn't appropriate. So at least I had that right this time.

And this is where the appointment started feeling like some kind of first date gone wrong. Maybe he was just being friendly or trying to make me forget about the pain, but he would not stop asking me personal questions. As I'm sitting there in my underwear, with one of his hands near my boob and the other on my thigh, he says "So, are you single?"

I jumped so high I think I popped one of my bones back into place myself.

And it continued along those lines for the rest of the hour. He kept saying "Relax, relax, let me do the work". Well, how the hell do you want me to relax in those kinds of conditions? I mean, seriously, the man was had his hand on my butt and was jiggling it. He said I had a lot of tension in my shoulders (no surprise there, considering I don't have a desk and do all of my typing while sitting on the couch), but what exactly does that have to do with my right buttocks? How exactly is one supposed to be comfortable in such a situation?

He also said I had several things out of whack in my mid-back, but he didn't do much work on my lower back, ie where it hurts. His reasoning was that pain can manifest itself elsewhere, and that was what was happening with my lower back and that it would take a few days to clear up. Okay Doc, I can buy that for now. And I did walk out of there feeling better than before. But my lower back still hurts, damn it!

The worst part is, I made another appointment with him for the end of the month. My Minnesota side came out when he asked to schedule a follow-up and I just couldn't make myself say no. So instead, I will be a coward and wait a few days and then call off-hours, leaving him a message to cancel it.

And thus ends ksam's adventures at the osteopath.

PS. Remember the prescription I had? The one that was for the osteopath? Well, it was actually for the kiné. Still confused as to why the doc told me it was for an osteopath, but whatever. So that meant I had to fork over 65€ for this lovely experience, which may or may not be partially or fully reimbursed by my mutuelle.

But hey, at least I had matching underwear, right?



Blogger The Big Finn said...


At least you didn't have to turn your head and cough while a doctor was tugging on the scrotum.

January 7, 2009 at 10:04 AM  
Blogger Ksam said...

So true, TBF, so true. It's all about perspective, isn't it? LOL

January 7, 2009 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger L'Étrangère Americaine said...

So Sam, are you single? ;)

Was he at least cute?

January 7, 2009 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger Justin said...

Thanks Sam... gives me more reasons to fear going to a doctor in France. Granted, I am sure if I went I would not have gotten as much action... hmm maybe I should go, it has been a while ;-) Although The Big Finn's comments do add some more fear! :-)

January 7, 2009 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger Jennie said...

Hehe, well I think he was just trying to make conversation. That is awfully awkward though!

I went to an osteopath once before too, and he insisted on only touching my feet and head when it was my lower back that was hurting. He said something about "working our way to the back," but I never actually went back to him, so I don't know how long that takes!

January 7, 2009 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Interesting... and here I was wondering why I had to get naked for them to work on my back...
However, I do agree with him that sometimes it can be a different part that is causing the pain. Hope you feel better.

January 7, 2009 at 3:03 PM  
Blogger The Bold Soul said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

January 7, 2009 at 3:59 PM  
Blogger The Bold Soul said...

(Big freaking typo with first comment attempt so here goes nuthin'...) I can certainly understand why you were a bit creeped out. But I will say that he's correct about the pain possibly originating elsewhere, even though you're feeling it where you're feeling it. I had a boss once who for months thought he had something wrong with his right foot, ankle and lower leg causing him enormous pain there, when it eventually turned out his back was REALLY out of whack and he had no pain in the back whatsoever! He ended up having back surgery and it fixed him up just fine (but he's in his late 50s so it's unlikely YOU would need back surgery at your age, so don't worry). Just saying... the source was in his back all along but he felt it in his ANKLE. Go figure!

Wishing you better luck with the kiné and let me know if he/she turns out to be a good one. I may need one also. And will wear good underwear just in case.

January 7, 2009 at 4:01 PM  
Blogger Lizziebuff said...

January sales? I know loads of people (single or not) who would pay more than 65 euro for someone to jiggle their butt so, I reckon, if he was cute you have got yourself a bargain!! haha, better luck next time!! :)

January 7, 2009 at 4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yah, was he cute? In that case, it could be fun! :)

January 7, 2009 at 5:05 PM  
Blogger Ksam said...

Lizziebuff, you are too funny.

And sorry guys, he was definitely not cute - probably around my age, but shorter than I was & balding. Plus he had a weak handshake, which I cannot stand. How can someone who works with his hands for a living have a flacid grip anyways??

January 7, 2009 at 6:03 PM  
Blogger Jules said... I always put up this link because this excercise can seriosly cure it. I spent thousands of dollars on stupid therapy, suffered for weeks and then was told by a visiting PT that it was this muscle. Once you figure out how to get down to it to stretch it you will know that is the problem(if it is) Of course I am not a doctor but this really worked and I suffered so bad I could barely walk or sit or lie or move for weeks. One minute of this stretch and I was cured. Seriously.

January 7, 2009 at 6:37 PM  
Blogger Leesa said...


I went to an osteop. the other day and he had a nice strong handshake and was a big guy... I mean, JUST the kind of guy you want to work on you!! I might suggest you coming down my way if you are interested... He told me it was indeed reimbursable by SS.. b/c he is a "good doctor" so I am assuming that with all his credentials he's VERY certified...
Hope you feel better soon...

January 7, 2009 at 7:21 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Harper said...

I say... trust your instinct on the creepy factor, but The Bold Soul is correct about the pain originating elsewhere.

I'm still in shock over stripping to my skivvies. Just checked in with John and he said it works that way here in England too. That will keep me healthy!

January 7, 2009 at 8:45 PM  
Blogger emaleejayne said...

Oh, how I don't miss doctor visits in France!! I hear you about the undergarments - the first time was an all to embarrassing situation for me as well. Live and learn! ;)

January 8, 2009 at 12:43 AM  
Blogger Adriana henry said...

A Chiropractor North Ryde have many benefits in their lives, osteopathy is form of drug free non-invasive manual medicine, that focuses on total body health, by treating muscles, osteopaths ease back and neck pain.

September 7, 2016 at 2:19 PM  

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