And now for the osteopath portion of our story

So I arrived at the osteopath and sat down in his waiting room. Which had classical music piped in, a marble fire place and crown molding everywhere. Hmm, I thought, good thing this is going to be covered by la sécu.

Or was it? (insert ominous music here)

I finally got called in, and he said "Okay, take all of your clothes off". Now, I'd seen an osteopath once before in 2004, after an incident involving a small child tackling me and knocking me over, so I expected this part. Unlike in the US, there is usually no changing room, nor a paper gown for you to wear. So I wasn't *that* freaked out by having to strip down to my skivvies right in front of the doctor. And contrary to the last time, I'd at least had the sense to put on some decent, matching sous-vêtements. I can't remember if last time I'd worn granny pants or a thong, but either way, it wasn't appropriate. So at least I had that right this time.

And this is where the appointment started feeling like some kind of first date gone wrong. Maybe he was just being friendly or trying to make me forget about the pain, but he would not stop asking me personal questions. As I'm sitting there in my underwear, with one of his hands near my boob and the other on my thigh, he says "So, are you single?"

I jumped so high I think I popped one of my bones back into place myself.

And it continued along those lines for the rest of the hour. He kept saying "Relax, relax, let me do the work". Well, how the hell do you want me to relax in those kinds of conditions? I mean, seriously, the man was had his hand on my butt and was jiggling it. He said I had a lot of tension in my shoulders (no surprise there, considering I don't have a desk and do all of my typing while sitting on the couch), but what exactly does that have to do with my right buttocks? How exactly is one supposed to be comfortable in such a situation?

He also said I had several things out of whack in my mid-back, but he didn't do much work on my lower back, ie where it hurts. His reasoning was that pain can manifest itself elsewhere, and that was what was happening with my lower back and that it would take a few days to clear up. Okay Doc, I can buy that for now. And I did walk out of there feeling better than before. But my lower back still hurts, damn it!

The worst part is, I made another appointment with him for the end of the month. My Minnesota side came out when he asked to schedule a follow-up and I just couldn't make myself say no. So instead, I will be a coward and wait a few days and then call off-hours, leaving him a message to cancel it.

And thus ends ksam's adventures at the osteopath.


PS. Remember the prescription I had? The one that was for the osteopath? Well, it was actually for the kiné. Still confused as to why the doc told me it was for an osteopath, but whatever. So that meant I had to fork over 65€ for this lovely experience, which may or may not be partially or fully reimbursed by my mutuelle.

But hey, at least I had matching underwear, right?