Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Friday, August 15, 2008

Cry me a river

Tonight I felt lonely for the first time in a long while.

It was brought on by the fact that I lost out on an apartment, a sub-let. I'd been trying not to think of it as mine, but when the current renter asked me to meet her tonight with the deposit, a month's rent and proof of income, I assumed it was mine. Then she canceled at the last minute, I'm still not sure why. The problem is, I made the mistake of letting my guard down. I started imagining myself inside, and how I would rearrange the furniture, of where I would put the few positions that I have left. I was so happy to have found a place in my quartier, a place that would still allow me to keep walking every where. A place where I would be safe, and among friends.

But most importantly, it was to be a place of my own. A chez moi. I haven't had that since April. And while in my head I know it will turn out okay and that I will find something else, my heart is aching over everything I've lost. What should've been my beautiful new house in Bretagne. My belle-famille. Fabrice. My life. How did I end up in this situation? I am truly happier now and I really do believe that everything happens for a reason, but it doesn't make it any easier for me tonight. I'm a Cancer, I need roots, a home. And I'm tired of living without that.

Don't worry about me - tomorrow will be a new day, and I will be fine and get back up and start looking for housing again. But I just need to night to feel sorry for myself a little while longer.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

you will get your own nest again very soon now. and you will fill it with hope and beauty and comfort and consolation and love. sweet dreams, too.

August 15, 2008 at 5:16 AM  
Blogger eastcoastsnob said...

non, non, non don't feel bad. I know it seem awful right now but something better will come along. I know because I went through the same thing. I traveled from Melun to Paris for two weeks looking for a place and found one I liked for the PERFECT price. I made the mistake of assuming it was mine also after a dicussion with the landlord. I had to revisit the place again early the next day with additional paperwork. I had called at 9AM to confirm only to find out he had rented it out to someone else. UGGGG!! I was so bummmed. But then I found the apartment I ended up living in. A nice place in a super chic neighborhood with AMAZing landlords. They were so great that when they found out I didn't get the CAF they didn't charge me for utilities. And after I left they forward my mail for me for over a month. And even now I still get postcards from their vacations. So don't lose hope..there is something better out there for you.

August 15, 2008 at 5:57 AM  
Blogger Opalintheskywithdiamonds said...

I love it..."I need roots"...we're rooting for a new home for u! Don't worry "because every little thing is gonna be alright!"

August 15, 2008 at 8:17 AM  
Blogger Milk Jam said...

I totally understand but I also believe things happen for a reason, if that place didn't work out for you it just means that your chez toi is waiting for you and will be found!!
courage! but at the same time don't be ashamed of feeling like that, every once in a while its good to have a good mope especially knowing that yes, you will get through it :-)

August 15, 2008 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger wcs said...

And the reason is: wine. Also spelled whine. Either way, some always helps.

Today's word verification: tqoah. Why can't I type a "q" without automatically typing a "u" after it?

August 15, 2008 at 9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel, I felt pretty devastated after we lost out on that first apartment that the okayed our dossier for. I let my guard down too and did not expect the landlord to suddenly change the price like that (it's still on rent btw, lol).

But, something better will come along. Looking for housing kind of sucks, especially with the pickings are slim, but SOMETHING that feels right will come up. I'm really glad we had the situation happen because now we are much happier with hte other apartment.

But I do know how disempowering it is..

August 15, 2008 at 10:06 AM  
Blogger Je ne regrette rien said...

try to imagine that it was NOT the right place for you, that many things DO happen for a reason, and the perfect place, YOUR place, is just around the corner. Sure ... all of that may not be exactly true, but it mostly is and when you DO find a spot, it will become yours. hang in there,

August 15, 2008 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger Emily Marie said...

What a disappointment! I know what you're feeling...J and I found our dream apartment only to have our dossier be turned down. I've been looking for over a month and long to be able to make a place feel like (my) home. You'll find something; It just takes perseverance in this city!

August 15, 2008 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Patricia said...

Don't worry, Sam. Everything happens for a reason. The perfect place is waiting for you - just wait and see. When my husband was looking for a location for his business, so many places fell through and it was so discouraging. But, he found a place and it is in a prime location and better than any of the other places we "almost" had!
Hang in there - it will all work out!

August 15, 2008 at 1:34 PM  
Blogger Kelli said...

Maybe this one fell through because there is something even better waiting for you elsewhere. It's hard to swallow when the disappointment hits hard, but this time next year, you'll look back on it and maybe feel grateful that it didn't work out. On the up side, you're looking for a home in PARIS!! That's much better than a lot of places you could be. :) Have a great weekend.

August 15, 2008 at 4:09 PM  
Blogger Our Juicy Life said...

It's OK to feel bad and sorry for yourself once in a while and you are doing it the right way, talking about it and then knowing that you'll get up and keep going.

I'm sorry about the place, but there will be others, I'm sure and you'll love it and be happy that this one didn't work out.

August 15, 2008 at 8:02 PM  
Blogger Cupcake Princesse said...

Awwwww Sam,

I thought you sounded bummed this morning on the phone... so that's why! I'm really sorry to hear that you didn't get the apt. but I HONESTLY believe that you will get a better one... You know I had something soooo horrible happen to me and then I found an apt. even better than the one I had been living in for 10 years that I LOVED!!! Okay... Lots of gooooood apartment finding energy is being sent your way...

August 15, 2008 at 10:03 PM  
Blogger PutYourFlareOn said...

Hang in there, Sam. You'll find a place. I really do believe that if it was meant to be it would have happened. But it's okay to feel bad and be down, let it go...

Tomorrow is a new day. :)

And, if you're feeling lonely, you can always come and hang out at the tea house. It's all shiny and new waiting for you. :)

See you tomorrow.

August 16, 2008 at 12:41 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home