Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Sunday, June 17, 2012

The cat is out of the bag

Last night, I headed on over to an area of Paris where I rarely go for a lovely bloggers' cocktail/soirée organized by the hostess with the mostess. I had such a great time catching up with friends, finally meeting a few great bloggers I've wanted to meet for a while as well as meeting a whole new batch of bloggy newcomers. It's been a while since I've hung around with newcomers to Paris and it really was a breath of fresh air.

Despite all of the fun however, I have to admit I was slightly apprehensive about attending.  As some of the early readers may remember, up until last night, C did not really know I had a blog. Or I take that back - I wasn't really sure if he knew I had a blog. Several people have mentioned it in front of him in the past, but he never said anything to me, so I figured either he didn't understand or he didn't care.  Certain people out there *ahem* have insinuated that I was a bad wife for not telling him, but my blog is, and always has been, MY space.  Even my family and friends back home don't know about it - let me explain a little bit....

It all dates back to 2005, when I started blogging.  Unlike many bloggers out there, I wasn't writing to inform my family of my French adventures, nor trying to get a book deal, nor trying to meet people. At that point, I had been in France for over two years. I was so sad and so frustrated with my life and not being able to fit in, and I kept unloading it all on Fab every night when he came home.  That wasn't fair, so my writing began as a way to get all of that frustration out before he came home (especially as I felt I had to keep up a front of "everything is going great" to people back home, so I couldn't really talk to them either). 

As an unexpected benefit, people started commenting and sharing their experiences too, and it ended up being a huge eye-opener for me - I wasn't the only one going through this kind of stuff.  I'd spent so long wondering what was wrong with me, and why I couldn't adapt, and it was a huge weight off of my shoulders to realize that it was normal.  The community that came out of my old blog days really was incredible - many of them are no longer blogging or no longer in France, but they still deserve a shout-out - you guys cheered me up on a lot of lonely days.

And then when I moved to Paris, that same community provided me with a built-in network of friends, who essentially "knew" me without ever having met me. It was a bit odd at first, to be meeting strangers who knew so much about my life, but again, their support was a lifesaver to me in a very difficult time. I don't know what I would have done had I had to explain what happened with Fab to every single person I met. But as time went on, I found myself self-censoring. Losing my anonymity had its benefits friend-wise, but it also had a cost - I suddenly felt less comfortable sharing certain things.  I mean, the whole point of my blog was to share things I didn't necessarily want to share with those around me, and now those two worlds were mixing....

So all of this is a lot of background for explaining why I had yet to tell C about my blog.  Even though I no longer use it for the same purpose, I've still held on to the idea that it is my private place. Which is why I don't promote it, why I don't have a fan page and why I don't often write for other sites. If people stumble across it and can identify with some of what I write, tant mieux - but I'm not going to go looking for additional readers.

Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering what happened when C found out. Obviously, I realized that by going to a party where literally everyone was a blogger, it was very likely that he would officially hear about it. And after thinking about it for a while though, I came to the conclusion that he wouldn't care. C is so good about encouraging me to have my own interests and my own friends, and I was pretty darn sure he would understand my wanting to have a jardin secret*....

And thank goodness I was right.  Poor Lindsey was there to see the slightly awkward moment when it connected in C's brain that I still had a blog, but he just said "Oh I didn't know" and the conversation moved on.  He didn't ask me anything about it for the rest of the night, so on the way home in the metro, I asked if he minded that I hadn't told him.  He straightaway said "No, because I wouldn't read it anyways". I then gave him the short version of what I've written here and that was that.

Would I still rather he didn't know?  Yes, probably.  But I am glad that my gut instinct was right and that he understood and respected my reasons for not sharing.

*The French concept of having a "secret garden" is one I really identify with. The idea behind is that everyone should have their own secret hobby or passion, a place to go or something they do that is theirs and theirs alone. Plus it's a much better option than the other French national pastime of having an affair...

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12 Comments:

Blogger melinda said...

amazing that you could keep it secret for this long......C is a good egg

June 17, 2012 at 3:01 PM  
Blogger Eileen said...

Sort of the same story here... J knows that I have a blog, though I never really told him about it, and he doesn't ever read it, plus it's in English, and he doesn't really care.

June 17, 2012 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Emily in Exile said...

Funny, I didn't start blogging until year 2 also. And mine was to keep track of all the apartments we were visiting, and to vent about how frustrating it is. Also, there are so many great blogs about Paris, and I didn't really have anything to add until the apartment search. I didn't tell my husband about it for a while. I don't think he really reads it much. Except he knows I told everyone about his paper hoarding.

It was so great to meet you last night.

June 17, 2012 at 7:18 PM  
Blogger Linds Frank said...

I am so glad I finally got to meet you in person! I had such a nice time talking to you and C!

June 18, 2012 at 7:18 AM  
Blogger meredith said...

My husband knows I have a blog now, but I'm not sure when he found out but I am sure that he doesn't read it very often. Secret gardens are another thing I love about France. That individuals are encouraged to cultivate their passions, secret or not...

June 18, 2012 at 7:21 AM  
Blogger kristen said...

I'm so glad you both came and I hope that your blog continues to be your "secret garden." It was lovely to have your energy with us on Saturday night!

June 18, 2012 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger mademoisella coquine. said...

Oh my! Really?! He had no idea that it was a blogger soiree?!

Wow, you've kept that a tight secret. Impressive! I could never do that. I talk too much!

It was so nice to finally meet the famous Samantha! I really enjoyed our chat!

June 18, 2012 at 5:12 PM  
OpenID The Bold Soul said...

Just one more reason why C is totally a "keeper". What a sweetie! :)

June 18, 2012 at 9:20 PM  
Blogger purejuice said...

xxx

June 20, 2012 at 2:03 AM  
Blogger purejuice said...

xxx

June 20, 2012 at 2:04 AM  
Blogger Alisa said...

The "jardin secret" is the line an older coworker used on me to try and get me to have an affair with him (his explanation of why it was ok with his wife). I only blog to keep family & friends up to date on our lives (read: the kids) so that episode definitely did not make my blog. I'd say having a "blog secret" is a much nicer secret garden than an affair, for sure.

June 21, 2012 at 4:46 PM  
Blogger corine said...

I have followed your "aventures en Bretagne" since the beginning and I am so happy to see you thriving now, in Paris, with a real gentleman. I love the idea of having a "jardin secret". Mon jardin secret, c'est ma page FB! :)

June 23, 2012 at 8:16 PM  

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