Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Monday, April 6, 2009

How to open a wine bottle without a cork screw

Or, yet another reason I'm a classy girl.

1. Purchase a half-bottle of wine to go with your dinner, being careful to choose one with a screw-off top.

2. Bring it back to your hotel. Discover that this non-smoking hotel is just as smokey as all the others. Consider asking for another, but realize that they will probably all be equally smelly.

3. Decide it's time for a drink. Take off the wrapper and realize that the bottle has a cork and not a screw-off cap.

4. Spend about 4 minutes cursing.

5. Spend another 4 minutes debating about what to do:

petit a) try to find room in your suitcase and bring it back to Paris

petit b) leave it for the maid

petit c) drive back to the store and chose another bottle

petit d) try to open it by "other means"

6. Decide to go with petit D (hey, it was a long day and you are already in your PJs).

7. Take stock of what you have in the room.

8. Decide to take a stab at it (literally) with your pen.

9. Decide you don't want to break your one-of-a-kind Bic pen.

10. Spot your car keys across the room. Aha!

11. Bring the bottle to the bathroom.

12. Use the car keys to slowly push the cork into the bottle (this takes a few attemps because of the pressure).

13. Clean up the wine that overflowed onto the counter.

14. *Finally* sit down to a glass of wine - you deserve it after all that effort!

15. Realize you have left your laptop charger at home (you are gone for the week).

16. Drink another glass while you feel sorry for yourself and your lack of internet access.

17. Have another debate with yourself about whether or not writing a post about this will make you look like an alcoholic.

18. Decide to do it anyways, and provide picture evidence (thank God for Blackberries!).

19. Watch the news about the earthquake in Italy and see all the people who are now homeless, injured or dead.

20. Decide maybe your smokey, internet-less hotel room isn't so bad after all...

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile



Blogger Starman said...

Is this a repeat? It certainly seems as though I've seen it before.

April 6, 2009 at 7:50 PM  
Blogger Ksam said...

Starman, I think YOU are the repeat.

April 6, 2009 at 7:55 PM  
Blogger Milk Jam said...

er... while trying to open a bottle in college the cork broke and not being nearly as smart as ksam, my friend and i took it downstairs and broke off the neck with a rock.

when i poured my first glass i thought, hummm could there be glass shards? nah!

we are classy ladies my dear :-)

April 6, 2009 at 8:01 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

i always knew you were a classy girl ;) I hope the wine was damn good after all that!

April 6, 2009 at 8:34 PM  
Blogger Sally said...

'd' was definitely the right decision :-)

April 6, 2009 at 9:16 PM  
Blogger Au Soleil Levant said...

Very funny. I like that the pen was your first idea for shoving the cork into the bottle.

April 6, 2009 at 10:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While camping, a friend once attempted to open a bottle of wine by banging it on a tree. She SWORE it would work, that she had seen someone else do it, that as the bottle got shaken, the pressure would eventually pop the cork. It didn't.
I like your idea of shoving the cork down with keys a lot better.

April 7, 2009 at 3:40 AM  
Blogger Justin said...

I think this is one of those times while living in France that one says: "I miss Boone's Farm"

but it also why I carry a small corkscrew in my travel bag... so who is the real alcoholic?

April 7, 2009 at 6:28 AM  
Blogger wcs said...

Oh, Sam, you crack me up. Or cork me up. Or something. Here's my corkscrew story:

Walt's corkscrews

April 7, 2009 at 8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny post...I love to hear stories of grit and determination. It appeals to to my "You're not going to stop me from having what I want side."

From reading your blog for months, I'd say that cork never had a chance.

April 7, 2009 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger MISS YURI said...

ha! i've totally done the same thing. totally worth it to get what's inside!

April 7, 2009 at 12:01 PM  
Blogger Starman said...

Nah, I don't think Nature would want to make the same mistake twice. After reading your post again, I realize I've not seen it before.

April 7, 2009 at 7:58 PM  
Blogger BebeJardin said...

Some days option D is the only option. I've been there and actually would love some cork drop wine right now :)

April 10, 2009 at 1:47 AM  

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