Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The joke's on me

I had to laugh last night after seeing "He's just not that into you" (or "Ce que pensent les hommes" in French). It was like watching the past 10 months of my life, all wrapped up into one tiny chick flick package. First, you've got the couple who's been together for 7 years but who are still not married. And then there's the unsuspecting wife who gets cheated on & subsequently left for a younger woman. And then there's the girl who deals with the guy who uses social networking sites to pick up chicks. And last but not least, there's the single girl surrounded by all her married friends. Welcome to my life.

I guess I should at least be glad I didn't identify with the character (played by the same actor who plays Margine in "Big Love") who kept sitting by the phone waiting for every guy she met to call her. That's not really my style - though I guess on the other hand, I haven't really met any guys that I liked enough to sit around waiting for them to call.

I don't know - while I've never read the book, I do sort of subscribe to the "He's just not that into you" philosophy. I mean, there's a lot of truth in it - if a guy really likes you, he's going to make an effort to call you, to see you, etc. An interested man isn't going to be nonchalant or unavailable or constantly making excuses. But so why do we as women continue to make excuses for them? Why do we tell our friends crap like "He's just scared of commitment" or "He's intimidated by your intelligence"? It's just makes things that much harder on them. Figuratively speaking, if he's not trying to sleep with you, he's just NOT THAT INTO YOU. And it sucks if you're into someone who's not into you, but all you can do is stop wasting your time and try to find someone who is.

Sounds so easy on paper, right?

Or not.

I recently listened to "This American Life's" V-day podcast and it was rather depressing listening to physicists talk about how low the actual probability is of actually finding The One. Or even thinking about the idea that there is only ONE person out there for us. But check out Episode 374 if you've got a spare hour:

Somewhere Out There: Of all the 6 and a half billion people in the world, what are the odds that any two people are a real match? Stories from people who know they’ve beat the odds, and the lengths they’ve gone to do it—including an American professor who sings Chinese opera for anyone who'll listen, to get one step closer to his mate, and two kids who travel halfway around the country to find each other and become best friends.



Blogger DiaryofWhy said...

Yes! I just recently listened to that episode of TAL and loved it. While it is depressing, it pretty much validates everything I've been thinking all along. I think so much of meeting the right person is just being at the right place and the right time. And while I haven't found that place or time yet, I can't beat myself up about it either. Here's to finding needles in haystacks!

February 22, 2009 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I just recently discovered TAL! I am SO behind the times...

Anyway, I loved that episode. But then,I can afford to be amused, since I found The One about 18 years ago.
And you're so right. What's great about chasing down a man that you have to make exuses for?
I'm a firm believer that there's someone out there for everyone. Someone that's into you.
Good luck, Sam!

February 22, 2009 at 5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The whole premise of this film makes me terrible uneasy, which is a shame because two of my favourite Hollywood actresses are in it.

What I've read so far about this movie: :"the film pretty unequivocally portrays women as vapid, needy, and weak. Yes, it portrays gay people as hollow stereotypes who only exist to provide commentary about heterosexual dating. Yes, it's all high-income white people giving gentrification their best shot." Rest of the article is at:

I read the book and threw it away, it was sexist garbage, not to mention way condescending.

February 22, 2009 at 8:39 PM  

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