Totally Frenched Out

From the blogger formerly known as Samdebretagne

Monday, September 8, 2008

What to say?

These past ten days have been full of so many ups & downs. I don't even want to know what my blood pressure is right now. The fact that I'm writing right now from V-town isn't helping either. I don't even know what to write. There are so many emotions turning around inside me that I just feel exhausted.

V-town is chez moi, and it's so odd to be back here. Walking around, it's almost like these past five months never happened and that nothing has changed. My stores are still there, my restaurants as well. I still run into people I know. I can still rattle off directions to tourists looking for X street or Y magasin. It's like this was all just a bad dream and I could walk right back to our apartment and see Fab waiting for me. (Note: this is not what I want, it's just how I feel).

But I guess I've always been like that - with the exception of this last trip, every time I've gone home, I've fallen back into the rhythm of things so easily and it's like France never existed. And now it's happening here as well. It doesn't make it any less painful to be here though. In Paris, it's easy to pretend that I've always been there, that my time in Bretagne didn't happen. But now that I'm here, it's pretty much right up in my face and I can't ignore it. My shoulders feel heavy and my mind clouded.

I'm doing such a bad job of describing this, aren't I? The one thing that's clear is that I cannot wait until Friday night when I can get out of here. I'm tired of my clients asking me why I don't live in V-town any more. I'm tired of trying to figure out what I think about the apartment scam. Speaking of which, I've been touch with the girl several times now - she tried to go porter plainte, but the police told her it was a civil affair (same as they told us). Today, she tried to go file a report at the Tribunal de Grands Instance, but they deemed that she had not been scammed, and told her that I had to do it instead. She believes that we are victims of the scam that Pauline referenced in her comment, and I'm starting to believe her. But for my mental health, I think I just need to let it go. I can't wait to get back to Paris and get my whole housing situation sorted out. I hate having all of this hanging over me. I want a home, I need stability.

Sigh. Can someone please bring back the carefree days of summer?



OpenID eyeheartinternet said...

I know what you mean about the carefree days... being a grown-up's a bitch, eh?

September 8, 2008 at 6:50 PM  
Blogger La Framéricaine said...

I think that you are doing a splendid, creative, determined job of all of it and that--as the man said--if you are going through hell, keep going!

Keep your eyes on the prize and your ideals in the forefront of your mind regardless of the, temporary, setbacks that you encounter.

You have your health, you have your blog, you have your hard-earned language skills and personal experience in the school of hard knocks. You aren't abusive, a thief, a junkie, or a drunk--all viable options under the circumstances.

I salute you and imagine you continuing to succeed in your chosen endeavors.

September 8, 2008 at 9:57 PM  

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